It takes a village
Matt drags a communal E28 from the woods
Impulse control is in scarce supply here in eastern USA. It’s also not often that one is offered their lifelong friend’s first mode of internal combustion engine transportation for no money at all. With those factors in mind, resisting a long-dormant E28 5-series BMW wasn’t a realistic scenario.
To provide some history, I found this car for my friend Steve, an apprentice mechanic at the time, while in high school in 2001. Steve and I grew up together in North Carolina and the 535is was often our method of enablement for mischief. It was autocrossed and rallycrossed mercilessly and served all duties usually left to pickup trucks in the American South. Steve let the car go to our bearded, diesel mechanic friend, Shaun, who drove it hard for years.
On a return trip from a weekend-long bluegrass music festival, the clutch decided it had also had enough. Its lack of release complicating the 300-mile trek home for all the sweating and hungover occupants, hands were
thrown in the air and the car was parked in the woods. Over the next five years, it became habitat for all manner of birds, snakes, and turtles. As Shaun planned a move to the West Coast, the faded old Bimmer was handed down to me on the sole condition that it would remain within our deranged circle of friends.
Old faithful
As any good son would do, I picked up the battered Bavarian on the way to visit my parents. Minutes after receiving a welcome from the folks, the pressure washer was blasting away years of mould, cobwebs, and wasp nests. Being quite liberal with the degreaser and hose, I left the doors, bonnet, and bootlid open to dry while performing further inspection.
Using the mud as a creeper and the tow dolly as an impromptu hoist, I slithered underneath to have a look. The reason for the rapid postfestival come-down was rather obvious, as a dribble of brake fluid was seen creeping out of
the slave cylinder. The swap was a 20-minute job at maximum, made easier with a U-joint socket and some help from my old man for the bleeding routine. Not having to change the master was a sigh of relief – I was not up for a half-hour under-dash Pilates session.
After the trickle charger took about thirty amp-hours of my parents’ free electricity and transposed fresh DC volts into the battery, I eagerly hopped in and twisted the key, only to be met with a solid ‘click… ka-chunk’. Something didn’t add up, as the battery showed 13 volts and all the accessories that worked, seemed to work. The starter was positively engaging but the motor was seized solid. All six plugs were out in short order for a second trial, this time with the ignition non-op. The starter then whizzed as an Old Faithful geyser of Benzine shot out of cylinder #5. By way of contamination, the injector had enough leakage to hold the pintle up and hydro-lock the cylinder.
Cleaning detail
In the garage, the injectors were soaked in carburettor cleaner and a small wiring harness was built to safely actuate the solenoid without setting the shed alight. I rigged up a small air line to the outlet nozzle of the injector and set my regulator to a sleepy 2bar. A momentary switch energized the injector’s coil manually, while air purged any schmutz backwards. After this electrochemical Heimlich manoeuvre, the injector came to life with a satisfying click.
With that, the E28 then ran, drove, and made beautiful noises with its barely muffled exhaust and lumpy idle, thanks to the M30 motor’s factory high duration cam. A few hours with a buffer and medium cut compound had the paint looking presentable at a range of around five metres, give or take.
Having heard the story of resurrecting the old car, a wrecked E28 535is parts car was donated by the owner of the shop where Steve and I worked in high school. My father, now a shop employee, tagged the car to ensure that it wouldn’t be scrapped prior to having all useful parts stripped. On a blazing hot day in the pasture with the cicadas screaming from the pine trees, two lifelong friends stripped all body panels, lights, interior pieces, and the complete air conditioning assembly was pulled for re-use in my 535is.
Free cars are usually a gamble worth taking, so long as you consider your personal hourly billing rate small! ■ practicalclassics@bauermedia.co.uk
‘A spurting geyser of Benzine shot out of cylinder #5’