‘I’ve got years of stuff to share’

Dawn French talks to Gaby Huddart about turning 60, writing her latest book, the festive season and falling madly in love

Dawn French talks turning 60, falling in love again and the importance of best friends

Actress, comedian and author Dawn, 60, lives in Cornwall with her husband Mark Bignell, whom she calls Biggs. He works as chief executive of charity Hamoaze House, which provides rehabilitation facilities for people affected by the misuse of drugs and alcohol. Between them, they have three grown-up children, a son and daughter from Mark’s first marriage, and Billie, 26, Dawn’s daughter from her first marriage, to comedian Lenny Henry.

Dawn’s latest book, Me. You. A Diary

(Michael Joseph, £20), is intended as a journal for the reader, to jot in and insert photos, and is punctuated with Dawn’s own revealing anecdotes about her life. She talks openly about the most influential and special people in her life and remembers occasions and incidents that have had the biggest impact on her. She also reflects on the months and seasons and, at several points, asks the reader to pause over some questions, to get them thinking and to spark ideas.

An intimate, two-way dialogue between Dawn and the reader, it’s intended, she says, ‘as a way for us to tell the story of a year together’.

How did your new book come about?

As I’ve turned 60 this year, I wanted to do something to mark that, something celebratory. I personally carry a diary with me everywhere and use it as a notepad, as an appointments diary and as a journal. I stick pictures in it and keep photos of people who have passed away in it, to look at and remember them. As the year goes on, as I add jottings and thoughts and appointments, it gets scruffier and scruffier and fatter and fatter. I wanted to create something to encourage other people to record their memories, thoughts and special people, too.

Who did you picture when you were writing the book, as it reads as if you’re chatting to a person?

When I was on tour with my one-woman show last year, I had the wonderful experience of meeting women who were long-time French and Saunders fans, and many brought their daughters, and some their mums. So I was thinking about all of them as I wrote this. It’s women who I think this book will connect with, though I’d be very happy for men to use it, too. I’m a fan of good men

‘Always keep a door open in your heart–maybe there’s someone you can let in some time’

and good fathers. I am married to a good man and I have a son in my life now, and I was married to a good man before.

Whoever uses the book, it’s all about us going on a journey through a year together and I hope they’ll have some laughs with it and some thoughtful moments, but most of all I hope they’ll take part. I want them to get right in and fill it up with notes and doodles and pictures, and for it to get fat and scrappy.

You’re very open in the book about how you think and what makes you tick. Has that bravery to be open come with age?

I don’t think it’s brave! I think it’s sensible to be open. If I’m asking readers to be open about their thoughts, then I have to be authentic. All of us of a certain age have experienced stuff; we’ve been divorced, or we’ve been a stepmum, or we’ve loved and lost special people. We’ve learned lessons along the way, and I just write about those things.

I’ve got years of stuff to share and I’ve worked some things out in my head. I’m not giving anyone a prescription, all I’m doing is writing about stuff and saying, ‘Does this ring any bells with you?’

There’s a section where you reveal the exact moment you fell in love with your husband – a thunderbolt moment when you looked at him differently as the sunlight fell on his face. Did it really happen like that?

Yes, it did. And I hope for anyone lonely or divorced, reading about my relationship will help them see there’s always a little door you should keep open in your heart – maybe there’s someone who you can let in some time.

In my case, I’d known Biggs for a very long time, but it was only in one moment that I actually saw him. That said, it took lots more for us to be together. There were lots of rather awkward, almost teenage dates, because we didn’t want to ruin a lovely friendship. There was too much to lose, so we were very careful.

It was almost embarrassing. Our kids almost petitioned for us to be together and knew we should be. Biggs actually asked Billie if it was all right to marry me and that was lovely. In these situations, blended families, we all got married to each other. I couldn’t have been with a chap who didn’t put my kid first.

You obviously love the role of stepmum – any advice for other women taking on that mantle?

I am very lucky that I have two loving stepchildren. I feel very fortunate because I suddenly have two fully cooked adults in my life who are very easy to love. I suppose my advice to anyone else taking on the role of stepmother is to be mindful of their mum and whose children they are. Don’t try to usurp anyone and never make the children have to choose between their parents. Make it okay, whatever they want to do and wherever they want to be at any point.

The theme of gratitude is one that comes through strongly in the book.

It’s a trait of mine to catastrophise about things and to worry and forget about all the good stuff that’s already there and things that I’ve done, so I’m trying to stop myself now and remember to be grateful. I think it’s rare for any of us to be gentle with ourselves and think about what we’ve done well.

A recent discovery of mine is the importance of being quiet. I don’t really know what mindfulness is, but I do know that stopping and being quiet sometimes is a good thing, as it allows you to look at where you are and appreciate all the good stuff. That’s why churches are good places to go and think, even if you’re not religious. You can stop and be peaceful and think about where you are in your life and hear thoughts buried in your head more clearly.

The menopause sounds like it was a challenging experience for you. Any advice for other women?

You have to surrender to it, to the experience of it. I found it was a thief of my memory, so I had to write lists to remember stuff – I still do! Physically I found it a challenge – my womb was a mess, so it had to go. But the main thing is you can’t pretend it’s not happening; accept it and, if you need help, go and get it. Lots of my friends are on HRT patches or pills and there’s so much

1 What do you wish you could do more of? Sleep.

2 Who do you wish was your new best friend? Oh no, I can’t depose my BF! That said, I would really quite like to get to know Amal Clooney.

3 What do you picture when you think of happiness? A Cornish pasty.

4 Which song do you know all the words to? I know absolutely everything from the musical Oliver.

5 What last made you laugh out loud? My dog, Goodie. Dogs are great at spreading joy.

6I What do you neglect? My teeth. do clean them twice a day but don’t floss enough.

7 Biggest crush? Steph Mcgovern from breakfast TV. She’s both really clever and very funny.

8 Best cake in the world? My husband’s Bakewell tart – he wooed me with it. It worked.

out there to assist you. I promise that afterwards, there’s life and it’s all fine.

I think you can decide how you are with any experience and how you look at things. There’s a poem by American poet Jane Hirshfield that goes:

I moved my chair into sun

I sat in the sun

The way hunger is moved when called fasting.

I live my life by that now and make the decision to have a different mindset about things if I need to. You can apply that to the menopause or other tricky times of life; you think of the positives and move your chair into the sun.

Clearly your female friendships are really important to you…

My female friends are my scaffolding. I have women who’ve been with me for more than 40 years. We’ve supported each other through births, marriages, deaths, dogs and divorces. Every one of my friends has helped me in their own unique way, as I hope I’ve helped them.

How do you feel about the milestone birthday you celebrated in October?

I’m pretty annoyed that I now have a dodgy knee that creaks when I get up from sitting, but other than that, it’s all good. I want to celebrate that I’m here and really enjoy this part of my life.

‘My friends are my scaffolding. Every one has helped me in their own unique way’