‘Emotions around food are intense at this time of year’
Mother and daughter Carol Pollard and Lizzie Mcnaught reveal how tough Christmas is when anorexia has taken hold
Coping with anorexia at Christmas
CAROL, 60, SAYS ‘Christmas is a special time for families and ours is no different. But as my husband, Nick, and I sit down to enjoy our turkey this year, we’ll experience conflicting feelings: joy that our girl is home with us and her lovely husband Giles is by her side, but there’ll also be the unavoidable reminder of the anorexia that once controlled all our lives.
When Lizzie was young, I loved cooking at Christmas for her and her brother, Luke. But the year she turned 13, she tried desperately to convince me to swap the chocolates in our home-made Advent calendar for carrot sticks. The row that followed confirmed my worst fears: that the diet Lizzie had started three months earlier had become much more serious.
Because of the time of year, her obsession about what she ate became all too clear. She pushed her Christmas dinner around her plate and I could see she was barely eating. If we’d realised then that anorexia already had Lizzie in its grasp, we would have got help immediately.
After that terrible Christmas, Lizzie’s weight plummeted, her periods stopped and in place of my lovely daughter was someone manipulative, argumentative and bent on self-destruction. By the following December, Lizzie was in hospital, her weight so low that her body was struggling to function.
MAKING PROGRESS
Lizzie came out of hospital in time to be back at home in Southampton for Christmas, but the anorexia still controlled her. I had to keep telling myself that behind the sunken eyes of this painfully thin stranger who seemed to hate me, the real Lizzie was still in there. I never stopped believing that. It was like being in a dark tunnel with no light at the end of it. All Nick and I could do was keep providing Lizzie with love and support, and hope that she would decide her life was worth living.
Sometimes friends would take over for the evening, allowing me and Nick to walk our dog, without Lizzie using the time to purge or over-exercise. Those precious hours gave us space to talk and shed some tears.
Finally, after spending six months in a residential unit, Lizzie, by now aged
15, started making progress. She looked better physically and was progressing mentally. After cramming her GCSES into one year, studying at home, she made a fresh start at a new sixth-form college. Around the same time, she met Giles, and then went on to study medicine.
‘For families facing the same challenges, I’d say do not give up’
Fast-forward to today and I’m so proud that she’s now a junior doctor.
For any other families facing the same challenges, I’d say do not give up, keep loving and giving, and encouraging your child to beat this illness. They may feel powerless, but when the recovery eventually comes, it’s that support that will have helped them get there.
LASTING EFFECTS
At this time of year, everyone’s emotions around food are heightened. With the whole family eating together, it’s a time when problems can be more visible. Even now, a decade later, it remains difficult for Lizzie. We have our main meal on Christmas Eve, as it takes the pressure off Christmas Day, when we have a buffet. It means Lizzie eats with us, but has some choice over what she puts on her plate. We also make sure food isn’t the main focus of the day.
I used to think that Lizzie would get better and go back to her old self, but I now understand we’ll never get the pre-anorexia Lizzie back completely. But we have so much to be thankful for and this festive season we’ll be raising our glasses to a bright and happy future.’
LIZZIE, 25, SAYS ‘Christmas is a difficult time of year for me, but I’m fortunate my family understands how hard I find it. I dreaded that Christmas when I was 13, knowing how much food there would be and how I couldn’t let myself touch any of it. I could see I was ruining everything, but knew that allowing myself to eat would make me feel even worse.
The eating disorder was caused by a lot of different things, going back many years, but the diet that spiralled out of control was triggered by a single remark. I’d put on a bit of weight after breaking my leg and on my first day at a new school, a boy said to me, “Hello, Fatty!” Totally crushed, I immediately started restricting my food.
Between then and the few months to December, things deteriorated quickly. I no longer controlled what I was eating
– it controlled me. There were times when I couldn’t see how my dark thoughts were ever going to go away or how I could feel normal about food again.
I’ll be forever grateful to the NHS for the care I received, especially the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy that helped me so much. My parents shouldn’t underestimate how their love and support helped me recover, too. It was incredibly empowering to have my mum believing in me, telling me, “Lizzie, you can do it.” Parents in this situation may feel useless but, in fact, their support can make a huge difference.
I’m still not completely better, although I have faith I will be. I don’t dwell on the years I missed out on. Instead, I’m looking forward to being a GP, using my experiences to help others.’ •