‘I do too much’

SELF-SABOTAGE You’re fed up with doing everything for everyone – laundry, drop-offs, cleaning… but can’t seem to stop. After all, who else is going to do it?

AMBITION To learn how to delegate. TRY THIS Some people have an unconscious belief that sounds a little like this: ‘I’m only OK when everyone else is happy.’

Think about that oxygen mask advice on planes: the parent must put on their own mask before helping children. If they don’t, there could be dire consequences. But if you’re a people-pleaser, you’ll put your own needs last and swoop in to save the day because your mind believes this is the best (perhaps the only) way for you to feel a sense of self-worth. But, over time, the good deeds stop boosting your self-worth and you start to become resentful. Feeling taken for granted can poison your relationships.

The key to being a better mother, partner, friend and colleague is being able to take responsibility for meeting your own needs, so, to move forward, start putting yourself first. The next time you are presented with someone else’s mess, don’t clear it up yourself. Instead, suggest splitting the task with the person responsible. If your child has left their bedroom messy, you’ll feel bitter if you have to clean it up on your own. It also doesn’t teach them how to look after their bedroom. By splitting the task and completing it together, you both win – and eventually they’ll do it themselves.