LESSONS IN LOVE

1

PRAISE SUCCESSES,

SUPPORT THROUGH FAILURES Rob is a great singer and musician, so it’s easy to praise him for a performance, but I also praise him for smaller successes, like making a particularly lovely dinner. He is the same with me. I know he’s my biggest fan, which means a lot. He will always take my side in a tricky situation and keep my confidence bolstered. He’s generally an easy-going person, but if someone attacks me, he’s like a tiger.

2

MIND YOUR LANGUAGE

I find it amazing how many couples are rude and harsh towards one another. A friend once told me he loved the way Rob and I spoke on the phone, as it was the opposite of the way he and his wife communicated! I asked him why he would be badtempered and tetchy with the person he loved most, and I could tell that he’d never thought about it. Of course, we do have rows. However, they rarely escalate into shouting matches.

3

MAKE TIME TO TALK EVERY DAY

If we’ve ever wobbled in the past, it is usually because we are not spending enough time together. There was a period when Rob worked abroad when the children were small that was really tough. Worries seem so much easier to deal with when we talk them through. Even just relating a funny story or having a moan helps to keep us in touch with how the other one is feeling. It also means that we’re never that couple in a restaurant who sit in silence with nothing to say.

4

HAVE AN AFFAIR –

WITH EACH OTHER!

Put the same amount of effort into your relationship as you would into an affair. Enjoy romantic evenings and don’t let your sex life disappear. If your partner loves a certain outfit, wear it for date nights to show that you want them to find you attractive. Accept compliments and give them in return.

5

NOTICE ONE ANOTHER

Tell your partner if you think they look good, rather than just thinking it. In a very long relationship, the other person can easily become invisible. My weight has fluctuated considerably over the past 30 years, but I lost it through diet and exercise, thanks in part to Rob’s encouragement and compliments. Although he had never been critical when I was overweight, I enjoyed his pride in how I looked once I started to slim down.

6

KEEP MAKING AN EFFORT

It’s easy to take your partner for granted. We make an effort to be thoughtful. If I mention that my hands are cold, the next day Rob will come home with gloves. If it is pouring with rain, I will be waiting to pick him up from the station. It isn’t about the grand gestures, but the accumulation of lots of small ones.

7

DIVIDE THE CHORES EQUALLY No one likes to feel that they are doing more than their fair share. If I cook, Rob clears up. If he does the washing, I do the ironing. There have been times when I have been working particularly long hours, so Rob has had to do the lion’s share of the chores. However, he knows I’ll do the same for him when the roles are reversed, so we avoid resentment building up.

8

SAY ‘PLEASE’ AND ‘THANK YOU’

Some say that your partners shouldn’t expect to be thanked for something that needs doing, and I agree. However, I hate putting the bins out, so I am grateful when Rob does it. He is also very appreciative when I do things he dislikes. • The Story Of Our Lives by Helen Warner (HQ, 12.99) is out now