‘My wedding was a riot, but not in a good way!’
With Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s wedding looming, author Marnie Riches reflects on her own big day
Marnie Riches offers the royal couple some advice
When I heard Prince Harry was to marry Meghan Markle, I, like the rest of the nation, thought it was brilliant news. What an enthralling wedding theirs promises to be, awash with pomp and ceremony, but enlivened with a bit of Hollywood glamour. But then I remembered my own culture-clash wedding.
Rather than showbiz meets aristo, mine involved working class northerners, middle class southerners, bonkers Swedes and an unruly father-in-law.
The venue was an elegant hotel in Weybridge, Surrey, in 1999. It was both a brilliant day and a nightmarish fiasco for a number of reasons.
My half-swedish fiancé and I had already decided that we mainly wanted friends at the wedding, since we were paying. On my side, we had working class, very vocal Mancunians – none more so than my mother, who greeted one male guest’s charms with, ‘On yer bike, son! It’s not grab a granny night!’ On the groom’s side, we had a large Swedish contingent. There were a fair few middle class southerners, too, who specialised in behaving. And then there were our friends – young, partial to a drink and ready to party. Was this a perfect cocktail or a recipe for disaster?
The first rule of hosting a good wedding is that you should ensure your guests are well-watered and fed. We did. The ceremony went well and drinks swiftly followed. But, as I found out the hard way, over-watering can be a big mistake…
Our photos took so long that by the time it came to the family snaps, my new father-in-law was all but saturated. Utterly delighted to be surrounded by a bevy of ‘glamorous young ladies’, his lascivious behaviour meant that he ended the evening earlier than expected, sent to bed by his unimpressed wife.
Next came audience participation. You may not know this (I certainly didn’t), but in Sweden, it’s a tradition to allow guests to perform a comedy sketch at the reception. Four of the groom’s Swedish cousins had prepared something rather special – what better way to celebrate our big day than acting out a trip to the dentist in mime? Two of them inexplicably wore bobble hats – one playing the part of a patient; the other, the dentist. The third used her finger as a pretend drill, imitating high-pitched whirring noises. And the fourth? She was the dentist’s sink
(of course), crouched on the floor, holding a glass of water in her mouth.
The southerners stood and watched this spectacle with polite bemusement. The northerners, however, were slightly more vocal. ‘What’s this nonsense?’ they shouted (or words to that effect). And, ‘Come on! Get on with it!’ The tension in the room mounted as the Swedes simmered over the harsh critique. We needed a DJ and more alcohol – fast.
The disco eased tensions, but soon thirsty guests were demanding service by bashing the stolen speech-maker’s gavel on the bar. A Mancunian friend made off with the flower arrangements and the remainder of the wine. Then, somebody decided to let off a fire extinguisher. It was a riot, but certainly not in a good way...
Harry and Meghan’s day is bound to be wonderful – but if the King and Queen of Sweden turn up in bobble hats, run!
• Marnie Riches’ novel, The Cover Up, is available now (Harpercollins)