‘Some days are great but others are a shambles’

Alex Jones talks motherhood and her new passion

Alex, 41, lives in London with her husband Charlie, 39, an insurance broker, and their 15-month-old son Teddy.

BEING A MUM

I find I have a lot more patience now that I’m a mum. Not having much was one of my failings – it actually cropped up in my wedding vows! I had to promise Charlie to be more patient because he’s so laid-back, and I’m always on the go. Being a working mother means the pace is frenetic, but it’s a lot slower at home, and I think that’s helped.

It’s surprising how much you can get done when you’re focused. That’s the biggest thing I learnt from writing my parenting book, Winging It!. When I was pregnant, I searched for a book that spoke to me honestly about being a mother in her 30s who was baffled as to how she was going to fit a baby into her busy life. I didn’t find the right book for me and so I thought I’d have a go at writing one. I wanted to include topics like how your relationship is affected, how much of a train wreck you can feel in the first few days after birth, and how feeding can be brutal in the early stages. The joy I felt and still feel having had Ted is indescribable and outweighs all the trickiness, but I think it’s good to start off tough conversations so that mothers who are struggling at the beginning feel that they’re not alone. It was a huge learning curve – and I’m surprised I’ve managed a book in the first year. I used to waste a lot of time. I’ve always lived by lists but, as a new mum, I have to be super-organised – and organisation is not one of my strengths, either. Even though I have less time, I’ve learnt to spend that time more productively.

TIME OUT

I was worried about my job when I took time off. But anyone who has respect for their job would feel like that. It would be very odd if I was blasé about the whole thing. There’s a massive queue of people who could do the job just as well if not better, and I wanted to keep my job. I should have had a little more self-belief.

The TV drama The Replacement was on during my maternity leave. My editor did his best to assure me that it would be absolutely fine. Of course, I wanted the show to succeed in my absence, but it would be weird if it didn’t bother me!

I only took three months’ maternity leave and, looking back on it, I see

that was a mistake. I was naive. I didn’t realise the impact having a baby would have. You think it’ll be fine, and as a society we’re trained to think that you have a baby and then get on with it. That’s not right. You need time and your body needs time to recover. You can have a baby and carry on with your job, but it’s bloody hard. In hindsight, five months might have been more realistic. But leaving your child is never going to be easy whatever age they are.

HOME LIFE

Charlie always said he’d be really good at being a dad, and he is. He had this feeling it would be his thing. He was right. He’s changed, and it’s my favourite thing about him – that and his patience, which he has until the cows come home. We’re like yin and yang in that respect. We met in 2011 and got married at the end of 2015, and the two of us have a very honest relationship – there are things about me that annoy him and vice versa but, on the big things, we agree.

Having a partner who’s not in the spotlight helps me keep my feet on the ground. Once I’m home, work is left at the door. Of course, he’s interested and supportive, but we have very different jobs. Work is work, and home is home.

Charlie’s from New Zealand, and we went there for Christmas. Taking a little baby on a 27-hour flight was a mission, but of course his parents were desperate to see their grandchild. We Skype most days, but it’s not the same. They want to grab hold of him and give him a cuddle.

We still try to have date nights. Ted’s very young but Charlie and I have managed the odd supper in the pub, which is enough at the moment! Sometimes you need those couple of hours to reset. When you’ve had a week of little sleep, you can get into a rut, so having one night where you can chat again means you’re a bit fresher.

BOUNCING BACK

I’m in awe of what my body was able to do throughout pregnancy.

Everything changes – your bone structure changes, your hips and even your back become a different shape! That’s what’s supposed to happen, and you genuinely don’t care because you go, ‘Oh, my god, you just made a human! You just made an actual person for me!’

Losing weight quickly wasn’t important to me. It’s impossible post-baby anyway – you don’t have the time or the inclination. You’re up all night and you’ve got a permanent hangover without any of the fun. You want to eat carbs and bread and sandwiches and toast because you’re shattered. For some people, it’s quicker; for some, it’s slower. But, at the end of the day, when you’re in charge of a small person, losing weight is on the back burner.

DOING MY BIT

This year, I wanted to do something to make a difference. So I took on a Sport Relief team challenge with four other mums to raise funds and awareness of pre and post-maternal issues. We took on five different challenges over five days – from swimming in murky Loch Ness in the middle of winter to caving underground then running a marathon as our final event. It tested us to our emotional and physical limits – they are four very special women who gave all their heart and soul. The result was a staggering amount of money raised and, hopefully, we inspired other mums along the way.

MY VALUES

Kindness gets you so far. That and good manners. I really want to instil that in Ted as he grows up. I want him to be kind and thoughtful.

I have a lot of energy! I want to do everything. It drives Charlie mad, but he knows that we need it because otherwise nothing would get done. My worst quality is my unrealistic idea of time. I try to fit a lot into very short spaces of time and I over-promise, so then I run myself ragged.

ME-TIME

My new passion is garden centres.

I would’ve hated that in my 20s. It’s really weird. I knew when I started liking garden centres, especially ones with a nice cafeteria, I was somewhat on the decline! Occasions to relax are quite scarce at the minute, but a day out in a nice little antique shop with a cafe or a deli is pretty much bang on.

A perfect night in for me is a glass of

wine and Strictly on the TV. Or having friends over, sitting round a table talking rubbish until the early hours of the morning then thinking, ‘Why did we do that? We have to be up at 6.30!’ But you’ve got to do it every now and again.

I rarely have time for myself. But when I do, I make a cup of tea and I read. Now, everything is simplified, and I like that. I was ready for that gear change and I think, ‘This is lovely – cup of tea, biscuit, book, bit of peace… amazing.’

HEALTH MATTERS

My mum Mary’s early menopause at 43 is a concern for me. It’s not necessarily hereditary, but of course it’s a worry. Society has changed a lot since my mum was young, and we look after ourselves better than her generation but, biologically, we’re not that different. People are a lot more health-conscious, but we can only change things to a point. We’re wired as we’re wired, so of course that information about mum’s menopause has had an impact. I think, ‘How many years have I got?’

At 30, I didn’t know what I was doing. Now, I’ve got more of an idea and understanding of who I am and what’s important. I became a mum at 39 and turned 40 soon after, so it’s quite hard to tell whether it’s motherhood or hitting that milestone that has made the difference. But I feel better now than

I did at 30 – by a mile.

WORKING WOMEN

You can’t look to the older generation for tips on work-life balance. Mum stayed at home, there was no question. Even though she loved her job, back

‘Occasions to relax are scarce, but a day out in a nice little shop is bang on’