Reclaim your kids!
A guide to screening your children’s time with tech
The sun is shining, the outside is beckoning, but your kids are huddled on the sofa glued to their screens. Sound familiar? Of course it does! All families are facing the same battle and, for many, it’s tempting to surrender. After all, screens are just part of life now, aren’t they?
Well, yes and no. Some screen time is inevitable, but there’s heaps of things you can do to curb the hours online and limit the damage to your children’s social and physical development.
Digital detox expert Tanya Goodin says, ‘Think of it like food – you wouldn’t just let your kids gorge endlessly on anything they wanted. It’s the same with the internet and social media. Our job is to help our children indulge wisely.’
It may come as some comfort that even the men responsible for today’s tech revolution were wary of the effect on their children’s lives. Microsoft boss Bill Gates didn’t let his kids have smartphones until they were 14, while Apple co-founder Steve Jobs made sure his family sat down for a screen-free meal together each day.
So, whether your children are five or 15, follow these tips…
YOUNGER CHILDREN Don’t let them get their fingers burnt
With young children, think of technology as you would a cooker. ‘A phone or computer is a grown-up device that they can gradually learn to use responsibly, with you very gently showing them how,’ says Sue Palmer, a former primary school head teacher and author of Detoxing Childhood (Orion). ‘Explain how it works and how they need to be careful. Don’t just switch it on and leave them alone with it.’
Swap your screens
We’ve got used to doing everything on our phone or tablet, from finding homework answers to searching for recipes. But remember, there are other ways of searching for information. ‘You
don’t need a phone for everything,’ says Sue. ‘If you want to teach your kids about the world, get a children’s encyclopaedia.’
Bring on the board games
Instead of getting out the ipad to keep young children occupied, find other ways for them to get their hit of happy. Sue says, ‘If screens become the default activity when they are young, they will grow up expecting to be entertained every minute of the day.’ Show them that drawing, reading and games are all great activities, too. Reading will give them a love of books that will never leave them.
Have some old-fashioned fun
We’re all guilty of handing over our phones or tablets in a restaurant or on a long journey to keep our kids occupied. Instead, try other activities that will keep them busy. A piece of paper and pen is all you need for a game of Consequences, Hangman or to make a foldedpaper fortune teller, while a round of eye-spy in the car comes free. ‘You wouldn’t give your kids a junk-food diet, but if you are giving them a tablet to keep them quiet, it’s the techno equivalent of stuffing them full of salt, fat and sugar,’ says Tanya. ‘You’re setting them up with bad habits for life. But if you sit together and look at an educational site or write a letter to grandma, that’s showing them how screens can be used healthily.’
Change your child’s routine
If your child usually watches a lot of
TV or uses a screen in the afternoon, change their expectations by doing something different instead. That might be having a playdate, going to the park, making a cake or getting messy with paints.
Reclaim your camera
One of the first things kids learn to do on devices is take photographs. Then they love endlessly scrolling through the shots and videos, looking at them again and again. Instead, dust off your proper camera and take that out. You may not take as many images, but the quality of your snaps will trump the quantity every time.
Follow the guidelines
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that children under 18 months don’t use screens at all, and for those aged two to five, screen use should be limited to one hour of high-quality content a day.
OLDER CHILDREN
As children grow older, the AAP suggests consistent limits that don’t interfere with sleep, exercise and other behaviours essential to health. Kids aged five to 18 should be doing at least an hour of physical activity a day, according to UK guidelines.
Have a device dump
As one of your screen rules, have a box or basket where everyone puts their devices at certain times of the day. You might start with bedtime, then meals, and go on to agree other times, like when you’re all doing something together.
Break the silence
It really is okay to set strict boundaries on screen time, but sometimes it seems you’re the only parent doing it. ‘There’ll definitely be others who want to set tighter boundaries like you,’ says Tanya. So get talking to your children’s friends’ parents and agree to stand firm together.
Say no to a smartphone until they’re 13
‘That’s the recommended age on most social media sites,’ says Tanya, who did this with her children, now 15 and 16. Instead, get them a phone they can call and text on. Those rules will actually relieve the pressure on them – and they can tell their friends that you are to blame.
Time and a place
As tweens push for more access to technology, show them that there are appropriate times for screens. Tanya says, ‘For me, screens and car journeys don’t go together. Some of the best conversations happen in the car. Every family should have a policy of no screens
Half of teens say social media makes them feel less confident about their looks and their life.
at mealtimes, no computers in bedrooms and no phones overnight. Devices should be put down when talking to other people – eye contact is important – and there should be a ban on phones in the bathroom.’
Gradually give freedom
‘When they start out on social media, don’t be afraid to explain to them that you will know their passwords,’ says Tanya. ‘This means you can log in as them occasionally and see what’s going on.’ This won’t make you popular with your children – and they almost certainly won’t want their friends to know – but it will help you spot problems and allow you to help them deal with things they’re exposed to online. ‘When you’re confident that they can handle things themselves, and when they recognise how unrealistic some of the things they see online are, then you can step away and let them keep their own passwords.’
Do more together
Sometimes it feels like children live separate lives – theirs in front of a screen and ours in the kitchen or study. While it may be easier to get more done when they’re occupied, think of how much they’d gain if they were with you instead, cooking dinner or doing something together. Notice what your children like to do and do it with them.
It's never too late
Can you backtrack if you’re worried you’ve given your child too much online access until now? ‘Yes, but you have to make it an issue for the whole family to tackle,’ says Tanya. ‘Say, “We are all spending too much time on screens. We need to make some rules around it.” Get everyone’s input, including asking them what they don’t like about your screen use. Then come up with a set of rules that you all keep to.’