‘Getting older is a privilege, isn’t it?’

As Tamzin Outhwaite gets set to celebrate the big 5-0, she tells Jen Crothers about the importance of being joyful

Tamzin Outhwaite talks about being joyful and turning 50

Tamzin, 49, lives in London and the Cotswolds with her daughters Flo, 11, and Marnie, seven, and her boyfriend, personal trainer Tom Child, 28.

MY BIG YEAR

For me, this feels like a year of new beginnings. I turn 50 in November, and I’d like to go away for my birthday and wake up on a different adventure in a different place so it feels like a new and fresh start. There are so many things I want to do – write a children’s book, a play, a female-led TV pilot; learn to teach yoga, learn a bit more Italian… all those ridiculous things that all my life I’ve been saying ‘I want to do’. Turning 50, it feels like it’s now or never.

I’ve always told myself that you should try to celebrate every year,

as opposed to thinking negatively

about getting older. I think the generation above us, like my mum’s sisters, would never want to celebrate it – age was a real taboo and I never understood why. It’s a privilege to get older, isn’t it? A lot of people have very short lives. Be thankful that you’ve made another year, rather than having a pity party – it’s so self-indulgent.

When I was younger, 50 was an old lady in a rocking chair, knitting. Now, it’s very different. Jennifer Lopez is 50 and she’s inspirational, especially with her work ethic. If I were to place myself somewhere between those two extremes, I’d like to think I was closer to J.LO than a lady in a rocking chair!

When I look in the mirror, I still think I’m 25. So it’s a shock for me: I don’t feel old. At the moment, the idea of going under the knife for something aesthetically pleasing and not health related isn’t for me. But in 10 years’ time, I don’t know how I’m going to feel.

I work quite hard at being joyful.

What I mean is that if I’m not feeling joyous, I try to work towards feeling that way. I aim to be as positive as possible. I think that energy rubs off on people. If I’m feeling a bit low, I try not to be around other people and put it on to them.

LEAVING THE SQUARE

I left Eastenders last year. It was 20 years since I started, so it felt like

I’d come full circle. What I love is that I can’t rely on it and go back [Tamzin’s character, Mel, was killed in a car accident]. But that said, Mel has a sister, Katy – wouldn’t it be great if she was

‘I aim to be as positive as possible. Energy rubs off on other people’

‘It’s all about how you can get the best out of the life you are in’

a twin? Katy could come back into the Square to find out where Mel’s been. In my head, there’s a whole host of storylines I could do – not just ‘it’s all a dream’ storylines, but as her twin sister!

The people on Eastenders are

fantastic. I really miss them, like

Scott Maslen, Lucy Benjamin and Letitia Dean. I miss the excitement and buzz of doing 15 scenes a day, where you’re going over a whole host of episodes and emotions; it’s a skill. Then finishing at the end of the day, thinking, ‘Today I worked really hard. I’ve really earned my money and now I have to go home and learn loads of lines for tomorrow.’

Coming out of Eastenders, I don’t want

to panic buy, work-wise. I’ve turned down a lot of things that didn’t seem right, and I don’t know whether that’s canny or whether I’ve been stupid. I’m just seeing what’s bubbling, and not panicking. You never get to a place in your career where you think, ‘This is it, I’ve reached it.’ This imaginary ladder we think we climb is non-existent. It’s about the journey, not the destination.

I don’t live to work, I work to live. My life is very full and important, and I don’t feel defined by my work. Some people fall apart without a job. From a young age, I trained myself to have interest in other things as well as my job. It’s about how you can get the best out of the life you are in, and how you can make it as happy and healthy as possible.

You don’t do every job for the passion. You could get a great script but it’s terrible money; or be keen to work with a certain person or director; and then there are other times when you can’t say no to the money. Every job brings something. A lot of the time, if it scares you, it’s a good thing, as it means you’ll be out of your comfort zone. But there are times in my life when I don’t

have the energy to be out of my comfort zone. I’m a single mum, I’m juggling all of this and, actually, I just need some comfort zone.

The things you’ve said no to are just as important as the things you’ve said yes to.

I’ve never done panto, I’ve never done Strictly, I haven’t done a reality show. There might come a time when that is right, but up until now, maybe my career has been good because I haven’t done them. You have to choose a path. [Though] I watched the jungle thinking, ‘I could do that!’ I don’t look down on anything; I believe you say yes to jobs for a reason, and it doesn’t always have to be artistic.

BEING A MUM

I love a car boot sale. I love taking my kids with all of our stuff. They sell their old toys, and it teaches them that not everything is disposable. When I joined Eastenders, I missed being able to do a car boot without someone recognising me, so I did one wearing a disguise, in a long black wig with a pair of glasses! Even if you don’t need the money, car boot sales are a really exciting thing to do. It might be because my first ever job was working in a market, when I was really young, so maybe it reminds me of the buzz of my first Saturday job.

Now I’m in a new phase of being a full-time mum. There’s no shame in finding it challenging. Sometimes we’re really good at it and sometimes we’re not. You have to make the best of everything that you’re given. When

I was working, I was leaving the house at six in the morning and getting home at eight or nine, so I really wasn’t around. Now, I’m loving being able to spend so much time with my daughters.

My daughters used to walk out of the room if they heard the Eastenders music on TV. They’ve barely watched anything I’ve ever been in because they don’t want to see their mum in a car accident, or being angry and crying. But they’ve been to see me in the theatre.

Bringing up girls in 2020, I worry about anorexia, self-harming, and confidence and anger issues. They’re on the internet a lot and everything they’re faced with, image-wise, is picture perfect. But they’re beautifully sensible: they tell me I don’t need to put make-up on because it doesn’t matter. That’s a quality I don’t want to let go of or have them lose sight of. Sugar cravings worry me, but if that’s my biggest fear at the moment, I’m really all right.

I don’t know what it would be like growing up now. I was lucky enough to have a mum who was never on a diet, and who never spoke about her weight in front of us. The fridge was full of good, healthy food. We didn’t have loads of sweets and biscuits, and food was never discussed like the enemy.

FINDING LOVE

Tom and I met years before we went on a date. Our eyes met across a crowded yoga studio, and we’ve been together for more than two years now. We have a lovely time.

It’s comfortable and we make each other happy. I’m living in the now and not worrying about it because I don’t have to, as there’s nothing we desperately want or need from each other. Tom and I both already had what we needed, so we enhance each other’s lives. I’m really happy.

People think I’m having a midlife crisis, [because Tom is 21 years younger] but actually, not all men want a younger woman. Helena Bonham Carter has

a younger guy, too. I love that. I once read something she said about how she’d been grieving from her past relationship, and once she stopped, this little piece of magic came into her life. I know exactly how she feels. When you’ve been through what she’s been through, or what I’ve been through [Tamzin’s eight-year marriage to actor Tom Ellis ended in divorce in 2014], you do go, ‘This is unexpected and magic!’ and it’s lovely. There’s Joan Collins,

Sam Taylor-johnson and Helena with younger men, so I’m in really lovely company. I don’t hear the word toyboy often, apart from in the papers, which call anyone younger a toyboy, even if they’re only six months younger. The other way round, no one says anything about a younger woman, do they?

It’s a lovely feeling when you stop giving two hoots about what anyone else thinks.

Getting to that point has been a gradual process. You’re never going to please everyone all the time, and I’ve realised I need to look after myself and my mental state. Trying to make sure everyone else is happy with how you’re living your life is not good for you. It doesn’t mean you’re uncaring, it just means that you’ve freed yourself from the shackles of everybody else’s opinion. It’s a nice feeling.

Tom’s very good for my mental and physical health.

He reminds me to just breathe if I’m not having a great time. And he reminds me to sweat, to work out, because it makes you feel better. We exercise together, but it’s definitely something we don’t do enough. I’ve not been as good for Tom as he has been for me, probably. I’ve made him a bit lazier.

My kids adore Tom. They rip the mickey out of him and he takes it very well. They’re very strong girls and a force to be reckoned with when they get together and gang up! I’ve taught them well. When he’s not in the house, they do say, ‘Where’s Tom?’ and I’ve noticed them missing him more and more when he’s not around.

Raising strong girls is really important to me.

I think they have a handle on how strong you can be as a woman on your own. My girls call themselves ‘resilient turtles’. Apparently the turtle is very resilient, so we’re a little turtle family – we all have turtle necklaces. I think that resilience helped me as a single mother. It’s good for my kids to see that their mum works, is still a mum and it’s doable. I’ve had help, too: I’ve had a nanny since Flo was 11 months old.

As I get older, I’m really wanting more peace and quiet.

I never thought I’d say that because I’ve always loved a noisy house, but having a place in the

Cotswolds allows me headspace and breathing space. The kids love it, too, but I think there will come a time when they’ll be a bit bored because they’ll want to be with their friends. So I’m making the most of it now, while they still

love to climb a tree.

Acting brings me so much joy, and I think my eldest daughter wants to act, too. Even if I said I didn’t want her to feel the rejection, pain and uncertainty of it all, it would feel hypocritical because I love my work so much. If I get this much joy from it, I would want her to feel the same. There are a lot of lows, and it can be horrid, but it’s about how you deal with them.

‘I think having resilience helped me as a single mother’