‘Knitting gives me a great sense of achievement’

Nicola Rossall, 41, from Derbyshire, reconnected with her creative side while recovering from cancer.

When my mental health started to deteriorate, I’d been running on empty for a long time. I’d withdrawn from the things that made me happy and had stopped exercising, socialising or having any hobbies. I was struggling to get out of bed and had a panic attack before leaving the house most mornings, holding myself together at work and then getting home and collapsing back into bed. I felt as if I’d lost myself and I didn’t have a compass or a map to help me get back to safety.

After a week of being on antidepressants, I met a friend for lunch and walked past a wool shop. The shelves and baskets of yarn captured my attention and I absorbed the different shades, textures and colours. For the first time in months, I engaged my senses, looked at and touched the yarn, and was fully in the moment. I spent that whole evening knitting and figuring out basic stitches. There was something about the repetition that soothed me for the first time in more than a year. I was engrossed in something and it didn’t feel forced or hard. I was clumsy and slow, but I managed it and every stitch felt like an achievement.

FEELING PRESENT

For me, there’s something about the gentle repetition that helps hugely. The soothing rhythm and sensation of manipulating the yarn and needles with my fingers feels so good. It calms my anxiety, and when I am knitting, I feel centred and present. When I knit, I need to focus on the present and although my thoughts will start to wander, they don’t spiral out of control or overwhelm me. If I lose myself in my thoughts, I make mistakes and have to bring my thoughts back to my knitting. The sense of achievement I get from creating something with my own hands provides affirmation. When I’m having a dark day, I look at the things I’ve made and remind myself what I’m capable of achieving.