‘It was the music for our first… and last dance’
Linda Aitchison, 53, is a PR and media company director from Walsall, West Midlands.
Walking slowly on to the softly lit dancefloor, hand-in-hand with my new husband, our wedding guests watched as Neil wrapped his arms around me and we began to sway to the music. Nothing else mattered but him and me, and this song that meant so much to both of us.
Have I Told You Lately by Van Morrison had been ‘our’ song since we met in 1995. We’d played it on repeat on a road trip around Northumberland in Neil’s rickety Ford Fiesta that year, both of us singing its wonderful lyrics: ‘Fill my heart with gladness/take away my sadness/ Ease my troubles, that’s what you do.’
Now, 17 years later, it was our wedding day, but we were not like any other happy couple enjoying their first dance. The truth was, Neil was dying. Two months before, he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and we knew this would be our first and last dance as a married couple.
It was Neil who introduced me to the music of the Northern Irish singer and songwriter Van Morrison, after we met at work at a local newspaper. Neil was such a caring man, full of fun with a big heart. With him, I felt loved and complete. On our road trip that summer, he’d played me Van’s greatest hits as we drove to stunning beaches and stayed in B&BS along the way. I fell in love with the music and with that song in particular. Its lyrics resonated with me: ‘You fill my life with laughter/you can make it better,’ was exactly how Neil made me feel. It was such a magical time in my life, realising I had found the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
HEARTBREAKING NEWS
Our twin daughters, Emily and Melissa, now 23, completed our family. We never thought of getting married – we were happy as we were.
That changed after Neil’s diagnosis in 2011. A few years previously, he’d had melanoma – a type of skin cancer – and been given the all-clear after surgery. But when he found a lump under his arm and developed severe back pain, we were told the cancer had returned and was in his spine. It was terminal; any treatment would only prolong his life, not cure him.
It’s impossible to describe what it feels like hearing news like that. I couldn’t imagine a life without Neil; now I was being told he could be dead within weeks.
There was no grand proposal of marriage; instinctively, we both knew it was something we wanted to do. Neil wanted to be my husband when he
died, and I wanted to be his wife. Suddenly, it just felt right.
Neil’s doctors wanted us to marry at the hospital, but we refused; we wanted a proper wedding day. We weren’t going to allow cancer to rob us of that. Our dear friend Carol took charge of the arrangements for us, booking a church, hotel, vintage car and band.
OUR SONG OF LOVE
Neil and I knew immediately what our first dance would be: Have I Told You Lately. It would transport us back to those carefree days when we first fell in love, long before we had to face losing each other. Before our wedding, Neil was confined to a hospital bed. The cancer in his spine was so advanced there was a fear his spine would collapse and he had to wear a metal brace for support. He was determined to walk down the aisle and dance with me at our reception. So, while I chose dresses for the girls and helped to plan the reception, he had physiotherapy.
On 2 January 2012, we said ‘I do’ in front of 100 family and friends at a church in Staffordshire. Neil fulfilled his promise that we would walk out of the church together and we did, slowly but surely. I felt so proud of him, in awe of his determination. As the first notes of our song began to play later that day at the reception, we took to the dancefloor.
Neil was only able to sway, but that didn’t matter. With his arms around me, I felt incredibly lucky and happy to finally be his wife. It was so poignant but perfect.
Neil died in hospital on 13 May 2012, aged 44, four months after our wedding. For a long time after his death, I couldn’t listen to our song. It was just too painful, I couldn’t bear it. But with the passing of time, and bereavement counselling, I’ve found a way to live with the sadness of losing Neil and come to love our song again. Now I can listen to it and remember happy times, especially our first dance, without feeling broken by grief.
I have even found love again. In 2018, I met my partner, Will, online. Like Neil, he also loves Van Morrison. I feel grateful to have found love and happiness again, with a man with such good taste in music. I know Neil would approve.