LEARNING TO LIVE WITH (AND EVEN LOVE) IMPOSTOR SYNDROME

Farrah Storr on seeing it as a positive rather than a negative

Afew months ago I found myself giving a talk to a roomful of women. They ran the gamut from intrepid graduates to older corporate mountaineers who were nearing the pinnacle of their professional hike. On the surface, little united them, other than their desire to get ahead. At the end, I asked if anyone had any questions. As tends to happen, coats were slung on, phones inspected and the interest level began to drain away. That is, until one woman raised her hand. ‘How do you deal with impostor syndrome?’ she asked. The whole room stopped. Small, acquiescent nods started to move through the rows of women. The chatter faded to silence. ‘Well,’ I began, ‘I think impostor syndrome is actually a good thing. If you don’t feel an impostor in the job you’re doing then I question whether you’re in the right job.’ Further silence. Because, this, of course, is not the answer they expected. Nor, I suspected as I looked out at the room of frowning faces, the answer they wanted – because we have been told impostor syndrome is the scourge of all women. It is the thing that is holding us back. It is that little voice that tells us we are out of our depth,

whispering that we aren’t good enough, aren’t qualified enough and aren’t supposed to be in that meeting room with everyone else. Impostor syndrome will corrode your confidence and prise its thumb down on your ambition. It keeps women down and men up (men, so the theory goes, don’t suffer nearly as much from it.). But what if impostor syndrome is what gives women the competitive edge?

Here is the unspoken truth: impostor syndrome is the reason women are proven to have a more proactive approach to learning. It is why studies show we handle the stress of job interviews better. It is why we take less risks and why women’s investment returns outperform men’s.

Rather than the corrosive, ambition-sapping phenomena, impostor syndrome is a self-checking gauge that delivers excellence, For this reason you should count it as a blessing. It means we prepare, question and delve deeper into problems. Plus, it is a control valve that alerts us when we are in our discomfort zone. And that’s crucial, because, as I discovered when I interviewed successful women for my book The Discomfort Zone, this is where accelerated growth happens. Feeling fraudulent is a sign you are being challenged, and that’s when we make true breakthroughs.

When I took over as editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan I had no idea how to run a 130-year-old heritage brand that was being held to ransom by the digital world. When almost 80% of my team resigned within three months of me joining I had no plan of action on how to unite those left behind. The feelings of fraudulence were what motivated me to go looking for answers. It is why I went hunting for advice and looked under every rock to see if there was a new way of doing things. It is why we became, within six months, the best-selling young women’s glossy magazine again for the first time in 16 years. Impostor syndrome, I began to see, was simply acute self-awareness dressed as the Hound of Hades. It feels terrifying, sure, but when discomfort strikes, it is the very thing that will save you.

Because those who roll on castors of blind confidence are those who make mistakes. And mistakes, in a world that is moving quicker than many of us can keep up with, can lead to catastrophic consequences. Take the financial crisis of 2008 that saw bullish finance bros doling out sub-prime mortgages like they were sweets. If they had checked, asked questions, heard that alarm bell, who knows what would have happened? Failure happens on the frontline of the unknown. We know this. But those that come prepared will stay on that frontline for far longer.

Of course there’s a lot of bad stuff that comes with impostor syndrome, too – the panic, the point where self-questioning becomes self-doubt, that choking feeling when you’re asked a question and your mind blanks out. The good news is you can do something with all of that.

OPEN UP THE DIALOGUE Vulnerability is one of the most underrated values at work (it also goes hand in hand with impostor syndrome), but it’s no use unless you share it. Sharing fears not only bonds you with colleagues, but opens up the dialogue for growth. I’ll never forget telling a senior colleague I had no idea how to figure out a finance spreadsheet. She, in turn, told me she had no idea how to write an article. We traded skill sets. We bonded. We grew.

SAY ‘YES’... TO EVERYTHING Impostor syndrome makes you say ‘no’ to every opportunity, filling your head with variations of: ‘I’m not good enough’. That’s why I say ‘yes’ to everything immediately. That way I don’t have time to come up with an excuse. Once you say yes, the ball is in motion. All you have to do is prepare.

DEMAND ANSWERS Impostor syndrome is a doubleedged sword in that it wants answers but is too scared to ask. However, those that ask questions are those that get ahead. So listen to the voice that has a question. Tell yourself it’s not doubt or lack of knowledge, but curiosity. Use the phrase, ‘I’m curious to understand why…’ instead of, ‘I don’t understand why…’ which makes asking sound like more of a necessity for everyone in the room.

CONVERT FEAR INTO EXCITEMENT Sweaty palms, a beating heart, tingling on the back of your neck – the physiological feelings associated with fear are almost identical to those we feel when we’re excited. Utilise this – it’s what propels you forward. Tell yourself you’re excited, not nervous. Studies show that relabelling stressful situations as ‘challenging’ as opposed to ‘terrifying’ dampens the hormones that activate the part of your brain responsible for fear. What’s more, your body prepares for challenge with adrenaline, which means your mental activity and alertness can increase. Thanks, impostor syndrome!

RENAME IT Telling yourself that feeling out of your depth is a sign you’re an impostor is a fast-track to kaput. Instead, see it for what it is – a sign you’re in your ‘challenge state’. Language is powerful, but you can take away its power.

LISTEN IN And when you’ve done all of that? Listen to that internal voice. The minute you don’t hear it is the minute you’re no longer being challenged. Or worse – are caught off guard. But rather than hear: ‘I’m a fraud. I shouldn’t be here,’ tell yourself: ‘I’m in my discomfort zone. I’m growing. This is exactly how it should feel.’

MY POINT IS THIS The closer you get to the summit of success, the more you realise everyone is winging it. That’s the irony. The further you get to the top the less you know what you’re doing. But the less you know what you’re doing, the more those who question stay up there.

Aristotle once said, ‘The more you know, the more you know you don’t know.’ I say, the more you know you don’t know, the more you need to question. And impostor syndrome is what makes you ask those questions.

‘DISCOMFORT WILL SAVE YOU’