EMBRACE YOUR INNER CHILD Fearne Cotton on the many things we can learn from children
Be honest. Be impulsive. Be free. Fearne Cotton is realising that she could learn a thing or two from her kids…
‘What’s happened to your eyebrows? They look so weird,’ announces Rex to our mate Hannah, who had, the night before, given eyebrow dye a go for the first time. As I crumple into the corner of our hallway with complete embarrassment, Rex marches off with purpose and a little curiosity.
Kids say what they like. They are also led by their emotions and react in an honest way when faced with joy, fear, frustration and disappointment. As a parent, it can be hard to mitigate the excruciating embarrassment or attention these reactions may warrant but, actually, beneath the social humiliation and perceived judgement, us shattered parents or relatives should take heed of such honesty.
I’m not sure, scientifically, when it happens, but there is a pivotal point in our lives where we start to feel the pressure of the culturally unspoken rules in which we are all indoctrinated. We begin to understand that if we say what we are really thinking, or react with wild abandon in tricky or wonderful situations, we will be judged, told off or alienated. As we grow and gather stories and experience throughout our lives, we often take these strange, socially acceptable values and listen to them more than our own gut.
How many times have you been taken for granted at work or mistreated by someone close to you and not spoken up? I know I have, and in these situations my own voice has seemingly receded into the depths of my throat as words swim around my head. I have feared the reaction my own honesty might cause and have chosen to stay quiet rather than to say how I truly feel. This usually leads to me being passive aggressive, which doesn’t help anyone.
It’s in these moments that I think of my kids telling their mates that they’re not happy to play with Lego as they’d rather do some drawing. I admire their uninhibited ability to communicate what they want.
It’s not only in conversations that kids feel free to express themselves; they are liberated enough to lean into the joy in every small moment, especially as summer comes around. On a warm day, I look on as they skip through our local park, moving their bodies freely, mimicking the swaying trees without a care in the world. They’ll slurp ice creams loudly and messily while their feet dance with joy and catch the spills. They go with what inherently feels good. They gravitate towards joy, rather than what’s appropriate, and kick up a fuss if they don’t get it. They sing in the middle of the supermarket; they announce they don’t like the meal I’ve just spent 30 minutes making; they do handstands against other people’s walls. They don’t overanalyse or consider what the outside world thinks; they just go with what appears in the moment and whatever feeling that brings up for them. It’s inspirational, really.
My own kids remind me again and again that honesty is something we are all naturally born with, until life signals that we should shut off from it as adults. They also remind me that I should be more impulsive and care less what people think. If I want to run, squealing and arms flying about, into the sea on the first warm day of the year, then why shouldn’t I? If I need to tell my work colleague I’m not particularly fond of how they talk to me in stressful situations, then I jolly well should. I’m not saying we should all start pointing out that ‘the woman in the local newsagent has funny hair’, or that we start snatching things out of our best mate’s hands, but I do think we can all tune in to our inner kids a little more and react, think and express ourselves with a lot more freedom.
‘Children gravitate towards joy’