Think universal

The School Of Life’s How To Be Sociable course encourages participants to think about their ‘universal’ identities rather than their ‘local’ ones. When we meet new people, we tend to do the opposite: we focus on whether we know the same places, the same people or do a similar job, which all form our local identity. But if you don’t have any of these things in common, it quickly leaves you with nowhere to go in a conversation. Instead, finding ways to bring in our universal identity – that we’ve all loved, all lost, all been embarrassed, all have anxieties or problematic families – makes it easier to connect with anyone.

So how can we fall back in love with socialising? The first step is not to retreat, convincing ourselves that we are doing it because it’s self-care, or we’re an introvert and therefore it’s necessary. ‘While it’s fine to step back and take time for yourself if you’re feeling frazzled, we need to remember to step back into the world,’ says Dr Hendriksen. ‘I often see people using the fact that they’re an introvert as permission to avoid socialising, but you can end up in a very lonely place, as eventually people stop asking you to join in.’ She adds that we should try not to think of socialising as an extra pressure, but as a refuge from whatever else we’ve got going on. ‘Think of it as a time where we can relax and be ourselves, rather than thinking about what we get out of it,’ she says. After all, if you feel like you need that respite, chances are your friends do, too.