A PROBLEM SHARED
Can you dull the memories of your cringiest moments by sharing them with a friend? Fearne Cotton gives it a try
Fearne Cotton reveals one way to overcome your cringiest moments (eek!)
‘We’ve all done the regrettable’
Every now and again, when I’m least expecting it, some of my most shameful memories will come racing to the forefront of my mind. Why does that cringey moment from 12 years ago come crawling out of the darkness to dead-end the good stuff? I don’t know the answer, but I experienced this recently. I’m not quite ready to go into the gory details in a public way, but let’s just say these particular toe-curling memories include doing something seriously uncool in the presence of cool people and being led in the wrong direction at work because I was too scared to speak up and go with my gut. Vivid motion pictures of these long-gone times sped through my mind and blocked my vision. Although we might feel alienated in our fear that we are the only ones with such abhorrent memories, I’m pretty sure most of you reading this will be able to delve back in time to a moment that makes your knees buckle with embarrassment or shame. Sloppy words spoken and taken the wrong way. Failure or disappointment on display in front of people you respect. Moves made when you were younger and lacking in life experience. We’ve all done the regrettable and struggled to deal with the memory of it.
A trusted friend and I were sat chatting one morning about this very subject and I felt complete relief when she revealed that she also experienced many a cinematic recall of events she would rather park for ever. We decided, in a safe and private space, to share these personal stories with each other. There was, of course, a catharsis to be found in sharing our embarrassments, but more surprising was our reaction to the other’s supposed woes.
At one point, my friend howled with laughter at one of my nightmarish stories, which gave me a new perspective on what had taken place. Was it that awful? Or could I learn to see it with a little humour and newfound relief? The same happened for her as I shrugged and looked puzzled at one of her most dreaded recollections. I didn’t see the big deal at all and couldn’t understand the years she’d wasted harbouring negative emotions. These memories can feel so weighted in shame that we fear telling someone will inflate them, especially if they’re met with raised eyebrows or shock. Yet, if you choose the right trusted friend, one you know loves you deeply, that will never be the case.
By keeping these moments secret, we resist the opportunity to accept them, and possibly even to learn from them. Setting them free will always diminish their power and allows us to see them for what they really are: unchangeable moments in the past that we truly can let go of. If you feel too nervous to share, just remember that, the longer you keep these memories locked up in the depths of your being, the more powerful they’ll seem. And the more we collate and store them, the more we will believe we’re the only ones to have had such failures. Seeing someone you trust react in a loving way allows your own self-flagellation to dissipate as you gain another angle on the story, another set of eyes on the scene.
If you feel strong enough, grab a good mate and get ready for some heady liberation – and, possibly, a bloody good laugh.
Fearne will be hosting her Happy Place Festival on 3rd and 4th August (at Chiswick House & Gardens) and on 7th and 8th September (at Tatton Park). To find out more and to book tickets, visit happyplacefestival.com