12 WAYS TO ORGASM

Brigid Moss meets one woman who is on a pleasure mission – and has found myriad ways to achieve sexual satisfaction

Here’s how you can achieve them

ou’re in a long-term relationship and a sex rut. So far, so much the story for so many. But when Sarah Sloan found herself in that position, she decided to stop the slow slide into a sexual wasteland. It was after she had her first baby, at the age of 35, that Sloan began to feel disconnected from her sexuality. ‘Post-birth, I remember looking at my vagina in a mirror and bursting into tears.’ By the time her children were five and two, she says, ‘We were probably having sex every six weeks – and that just wasn’t enough. Not for me, and not for my husband, H.’

‘I found myself researching female sexual pleasure in a bid to find help,’ she continues. Sloan thought she should try porn, but it felt too base. She found burlesque was too focused on the female form, and felt that male strippers were fun but not sexy. Elite sex parties such as Killing Kittens? Far too intimidating.

‘My sexuality is much earthier. It’s about swimming naked in rivers, feeling comfortable in my body.

It’s rooted in understanding the power of what it is to be feminine. It took me ages to find anything genuinely useful – by which I mean stuff that wasn’t just “position of the month” and “how to give a good blow job”.

It was then that I found an article online saying that US sexologist Lou Paget had named 10 types of orgasm, but that there may, in fact, be 12. What? It sparked an idea: what if I tried them all?’

Sloan decided to work through the list – and to make a podcast about it called 12 - Honouring Women’s Sexuality. ‘It was a tool for me to reinvigorate that part of my life,’ she says. Interestingly, she adds, the roots of the 12 are thousands of years old: ‘Most can be traced back to Tantrism or the Han dynasty in China.’

Trying out the 12 was also a political act. ‘I wanted to challenge the taboos,’ explains Sloan. ‘Historically, oppressing women’s sexuality has been a way to

‘MOST CAN BE TRACED BACK TO TANTRISM OR THE HAN DYNASTY’

keep women under control. But if we can spend time finding out what brings us pleasure and teaching our lovers what to do, what women want and need can become mainstream. Women’s sexuality is incredibly powerful and important. We all need to honour it.’

What has working through the 12 done for Sloan’s sex life? ‘It has helped me and my husband to prioritise sex, and it has made sex more fun,’ she explains. ‘And H liked the idea of having a framework to follow that let us explore new ways to connect.’

It’s not the actual orgasms themselves that have had the main impact on her sex life, explains Sloan – it’s more the learning that can be achieved around them. For example: ‘Why is stroking so important to me? Why does eye contact matter? What do I need, physiologically, to get in the mood? Learning these things has, in turn, equipped H with the ability to satisfy me in new ways.’

Sloan adds, ‘We can also speak far more freely – both in the bedroom and outside. And I’m even more in awe of what it means to be a woman. I now know how orgasms allow you to reset, revive and release.’ So how much sex is Sloan having? ‘Before lockdown, we were up to once a week, although we’d like more.’ In fact, she says, being shut up in the house with two children around is why the couple still have orgasm numbers nine to 12 to try (see over page).

However, that’s just how life goes, Sloan says. ‘And that’s why I don’t want to put pressure on you to find all 12 to “nail” your sex life. But I would like to give you hope that it’s all there for the taking – when you do have the time, headspace and energy.’