HOW TO OWN BEING ALONE
Francesca Specter’s six steps to embracing your own company
Get comfortable with your thoughts Often we use socialising and social media as a way to escape our feelings. As a result, we neglect and even fear solo time, simply because we haven’t developed the capacity to sit with ourselves. Developing healthy strategies, such as journalling, meditation, breathing techniques or working with a therapist, is the entry ticket to valuing alone time.
Create rituals We’re creatures of habit, and introducing solo rituals invokes feelings of familiarity and comfort, putting you in the right headspace to cherish alonement. For instance, play Nina Simone and drink a glass of chilled Sauvignon Blanc while cooking solo (a personal favourite), or indulge in a four-step skincare regime to relax before bed.
Embrace positive selfishness Always putting others above yourself can cause dissatisfaction and resentment. Use alonement to practise positive selfishness: meeting your own needs in a way that doesn’t harm others. Whether it’s booking a solo staycation as soon as restrictions are eased, cooking yourself the meal your partner or kids refuse to eat, or even just watching the TV at precisely the right volume for you, embrace the chance to truly satisfy yourself.
Put it in the calendar Lockdown aside, we’re used to booking a dinner with friends or a date night with our partner – but what about one with ourselves? Scheduling alonement, rather than letting it be a fallback option if you’ve no social plans, helps you look forward to it and turn it into meaningful quality time. Plus, if your me-time is in the diary, you’re less likely to pass it up at the drop of a hat when someone suggests a last-minute get-together, because, legitimately, you already have plans.
Learn to communicate Telling loved ones you want time alone can prove difficult, particularly if you’ve never done it before. The trick is to communicate your need for alonement in the context of what you hope to get from it – for example, saying, ‘Taking a bath helps me decompress.’ In doing so, you invite others to respect your space, without getting the wrong end of the stick. You might even inspire them to follow suit.
Don’t compromise Avoid ‘only me-isms’ and go all-out: light your favourite Diptyque candle; create a visually stunning table setting for one; put on lipstick; order dessert with a single spoon. You, alone, are worth it.