LESSONS IN SELF-ACCEPTANCE Some famous faces share what they have learned

According to Hearst’s Project Body Love research, age can bring greater acceptance, with women over 55 feeling considerably more confident than younger women. Here, these famous faces – and their mothers – explain what they have learned about identity, body image and learning to love your reflection

How much of your life do you think you have spent thinking about, criticising, or hating parts of your body? The messages we’ve heard all our lives have told us that being the ideal shape equals success and attractiveness. Yet it may not surprise you that, statistically, knowing you are worthy for a whole lot of other reasons than just your appearance is more likely once you’ve reached mid-life. Of the women surveyed as part of Hearst’s Project Body Love research, almost half of those aged 55 and over reported feeling positive about their bodies, compared with just 27% of those aged 18 to 24, 29% of 25 to 34-year-olds, and 30% of women aged 35 to 44. This trend is disrupted between the ages of 45 and 54, which coincides with the age at which menopause – and the accompanying impact on both body and mind – typically hits. But otherwise, the data suggests that your body confidence increases with your time spent on Earth. Considering this goes against everything you’re told by society about beauty and age, it begs the question: Why? ‘Younger women have less experience of living in their bodies than older women, and won’t have been through many phases of physical change,’ explains Holli Rubin, a psychotherapist specialising in body image. This, she explains, can lead to feelings of uncertainty, with scrutinising your body and seeking reassurance in social rules a typical response. So what changes? ‘You become less self-focused as you grow older and unlearn much of the social conditioning that tends to negatively influence the way you feel about your appearance in your teens and twenties,’ adds Rubin. Consider, too, that by mid-life, many women will have become mothers, with pregnancy ‘bringing the body into the spotlight for function, not appearance’. It means that birthing a child is often accompanied by a mother lode of perspective. So, what can we learn about body confidence from women who have it in spades?

‘MY MUM GAVE ME THE CONFIDENCE TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF’

Katie Piper, 36, activist, presenter and model

How I feel about myself has everything to do with the loving childhood I had, and nothing to do with the injuries I got aged 24 [from an acid attack, which saw her undergo 250 operations]. Throughout my life, I’ve benefited from the balanced, relaxed approach to my body my mum gave me. When I started working as a model and got rejected for a job, I’d shrug and move on. Of course, my confidence suffered after the attack. My face and body looked completely different, while becoming partially blind was huge, too. My mum gave me unconditional love and instilled in me the coping skills I’d need to survive. She’d always encourage me to be fearless, knowing that my family would always be there for me. I survived, and the perspective it’s given me means I’m not going to worry about gaining a bit of weight or that my boobs got saggier after breastfeeding. It’s not easy to move through the world with visible differences, but things are changing for the better. I’m so grateful my mum gave me the confidence to believe in myself and my worth all those years ago when this wasn’t the case.

‘MUM WAS BOLD AND BRAVE AND KNEW HERSELF’

AJ Odudu, 32, television presenter

Were you confident growing up? No. At school, I was the only Black kid. Classmates would touch my hair and call me names. I tried to fit in by ironing my hair and gelling it down. Mum would say to me, ‘Why are you doing this?’ I’m grateful for how she always encouraged me to stop trying to change myself to fit in.

What did your mum teach you about confidence?

So much. Mum was bold and brave and knew herself. She’d pick me up from school dressed in colourful Nigerian fabrics, and even though I’d be like, please just wear jeans, I admired her for it. Now, I champion my heritage.

How has your body confidence evolved? I used to have a bit of a complex about my naturally slim frame. It didn’t help that my younger sister developed before me. I remember thinking, ‘I’ve got no bloody boobs and she has the body everyone wants.’ I noticed a big change [in my body confidence] when I hit 30 and realised how quickly life flies by – there’s not enough time to worry about being a size 10 or 14.

‘LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO OBSESS ABOUT WEIGHT’

Diane Piper, 69, teacher

I’ve always taken pride in my appearance, but work, friends and family matter more than what my body looks like. Katie is similarly family focused, and watching her flourishing with her own is nothing short of wonderful. The aftermath of her attack was hugely difficult for us as a family, but we pulled together, as we do when times are tough, and we got through it. Katie is showing everyone there’s so much life to be lived after trauma and injury, and she’s breaking down barriers for people with visible differences in the process. I’ve definitely become more accepting of myself as I’ve grown older. I could worry about my post-menopausal thickened waist and midriff that bulges a little more than before, but I have what I need in my family, friends and life – so I choose not to.

‘I’M A HOMEMAKER AND MOTHER, NOT A BEAUTY QUEEN’

Florence Odudu, 65, cleaner

How did you feel about your body as a young woman? I’ve always loved it, even if others didn’t. I’m from a poor family and grew up without good nutrition. As a result, I’ve always had a very slight frame. People used to tell me I was too skinny – in Nigerian culture, having a fuller frame is seen as attractive. But I never worried too much about it.

Do you feel more confident in yourself now? Yes, but it comes with experience as much as age – when you’ve witnessed so much so young, you value life over looks. Aged nine, I was already cooking, cleaning and looking after my siblings. During the Nigerian civil war, when I was 10, I saw violence and bloodshed. My confidence comes from life experience, not how I look. I’m a homemaker and mother, not a beauty queen.

What do you want AJ to know? To look after her health through food, exercise and rest. My body has been worn down through wear and tear, and I never took supplements to plug deficiencies in my diet. I now have problems with my joints, and wish I’d taken better care of myself.

‘MUM WOULD TELL ME: “THE WORLD ISN’T READY FOR YOU YET”’

Ali Tate Cutler, 30, model

I was always the biggest person in my class at school. I hated my body and weight loss consumed all my mental space. I’d play football five times a week and I’d get home from practice and go on a 12k run. I thought: ‘If I can run all this fat off my body, maybe people will love me because I’ll be thin.’ I used to feel so down about myself that I’d lie on my bed and cry. Mum would come into the room and say: ‘The world isn’t ready for you yet. Hold on.’ The body-positivity movement helped me to rewrite my understanding of my body. Seeing curvy women who looked amazing online, I realised I could be beautiful at the size I was. I would never have dreamed that I could be the first plus-sized woman to be hired by Victoria’s Secret. Aged 30, I can finally say that I have no complaints. Now, when I work out, there’s no guilt or shame attached. I just enjoy the endorphins that wash over me when I dance and box.

‘MUM HELPS ME STAY BALANCED WITH FITNESS’

Jeanette Kwakye, 37, former Olympic sprinter and broadcaster

How did you feel about your body when you were younger? As a sprinter, I had to treat my body like a temple. Mum always supported my training; if my aunties were giving me grief for being too slim, she’d tell them off. Rich West African food isn’t great for sprinting, so Mum would make sure I had the right foods. She never indulged me when I’d complain about my shoulders being wide; in every sense, she supported my goals.

Did your attitude change after you retired from athletics? When I retired [in 2014] and became a mother, my body changed and it was tough to accept. I’d look in the mirror and see a fuller face, bigger breasts and larger legs. I had to remind myself that my purpose wasn’t to sprint at full speed, but to nurse my kids. When I look at Mum exercising, I see where I got my skills from. She has narrow hips, which you need for sprinting. So I guess

I owe it all to her, really.

‘I DIDN’T KNOW IT WOULD HAPPEN IN MY LIFETIME – A WOMAN COULD BE A MODEL AND NOT BE STICK-THIN’

Tracey Cutler, 58, retiree

When I was growing up, the dominant ideal of beauty was being as slim as possible. I had friends who’d take drastic measures to lose weight and others who were bulimic. Looking back, I realise how much pain most of the women around me were in. I spent a lot of my early life preoccupied with how I looked. The older I get, the more at peace I am with how I look, and I feel pretty good about my body right now. But I’ve also learned so much from Ali. Watching her thrive as a model has helped me to unlearn a lot of the social conditioning I grew up with. I didn’t know this would happen in my lifetime – that a woman could model and not be stick-thin. She’s opened the door to liberation and freedom for a lot of women.

‘I FEEL MORE CONFIDENT THAT I DID IN MY TWENTIES’

Rose Kwakye, 58, nurse

Tell us about your body confidence journey… When I was a young girl, I was pretty timid. But I’m far more confident now than I was in my twenties. I guess it’s because I’ve lived life; I’ve had children, I’ve had a career, I’ve worked my way up in the world. Now, I do what I want to and say what

I have to say – the way I’ve always encouraged Jeanette to be.

What did you teach your children about body confidence?

I never stopped telling them they were beautiful; I wanted them to be positive about themselves. I’m so proud of everything my daughters [who also include Chelsea Kwakye, co-author of Taking Up Space: The Black Girl’s Manifesto For Change]

have achieved. If Jeanette ever felt insecure about her physique because she was much more muscular than the other girls her age, I’d tell her: ‘You have a job to do – and you’re in great shape.’

How did turning 50 feel? I barely noticed a difference. I stay on top of my health and I’ve raised Jeanette to understand that’s a non-negotiable. As a nurse, I’ve seen what happens when people don’t. I eat a balanced diet, sleep well, go for 10k walks and I’m always chasing after the grandchildren. I want to be around for as long as possible.

‘MUM IS SUPREMELY CONFIDENT IN HER OWN SKIN’

Tracy Anderson, 45, fitness entrepreneur

What did your mum, Diana, teach you about body confidence? My mum has been teaching dance for 40 years. From watching her move her body daily, I learned that an active, healthy lifestyle enriches you, inside and out. She’s always been supremely confident in her own skin and has never fixated on her appearance.

Did you feel as confident as your mum when you were growing up? Not always. I was the best dancer in my small hometown, but then I moved to New York on a dance scholarship aged 18, and it was... rough. Suddenly, I was dancing with girls far more talented than me. My mum worked so hard to help get me the scholarship, so I felt so strongly that I was letting her down. Gaining a bunch of weight reinforced those feelings of inadequacy.

Tell us about your journey since then… I learned what my body needed in terms of exercise. I found so much joy in developing the Tracy Anderson Method and sharing it with the world. But when I hit my thirties, I started to feel conflicted about ageing, which affected my confidence – there’s so much pressure to get Botox and fillers. Having my daughter at 37 helped stop the spiralling, though. I grew up seeing how my mother was beautiful and graceful and centred in her body, and I wanted Penelope [Tracy’s daughter, now eight] to have that positive example from me, too.

‘I FEEL PRETTY MARVELLOUS ABOUT HOW I LOOK’

Diana Ephlin, 74, dance teacher

Tracy sees you as supremely confident – have you always been that way? Growing up, yes – but the menopause was difficult. I gained weight, most notably on my stomach, and I became almost unrecognisable to myself. Tracy’s workouts have helped me physically and emotionally, when hormonal changes made me feel like my body wasn’t in my control.

How do you feel about your body these days? I feel pretty marvellous about the way I look. Keeping active is part of that – I danced for decades and don’t ever want to get complacent – but so is my amazing husband. This is my second marriage, within which I discovered that someone could love me every day. The wonderful sex helps, too.

What have you taught Tracy about confidence? I’ve always been so proud of the way Tracy works on her health. I like to think I’ve taught her the importance of keeping active and, hopefully, how to age naturally and with grace, not to fight growing older.