‘I am experiencing secondhand the childhood Christmases I missed out on’
By journalist, broadcaster and screenwriter, Sarfraz Manzoor
My earliest Christmas memories are of being a young boy at school and hearing friends discussing what presents they were getting. I remember feeling jealous and excluded. I grew up in a Muslim family in Luton and my family did nothing for Christmas: no trees, no cards and no presents. I grew up believing Christmas was not for people like me.
My feelings about Christmas changed when I got married and had children. My wife, Bridget, grew up in a Christian family in Scotland; Christmas meant a lot to her and it was important that the traditions she had grown up with – having a Christmas tree, attending carol services, giving and receiving gifts – were passed on to our children. Through Laila and Ezra, I am experiencing secondhand the childhood Christmases I missed out on.
What makes Christmas meaningful for me now is for my children to spend time with their grandparents in Scotland. Every year, my father-in-law will write a children’s story, print it out and bind it and send it to us. Laila will read one chapter of the story every evening for the fortnight before we visit Scotland and then, when we arrive, her grandfather will read the story to her. For Ezra, he will have made a board game which we all play together. Since my family in Luton don’t mark Christmas, we have spent every Christmas in Scotland – until the pandemic. So it will feel especially meaningful to get the chance to return this year.
Bridget and I will usually go to a morning carol service in the local community hall with the children, who will be pestering us to let them unwrap their presents. When they can no longer wait, we gather in the living room and open them before an early afternoon Christmas lunch, which is usually vegetarian. There will be phone calls from relatives and friends throughout the afternoon, while the children gorge themselves on chocolate.
The song that encapsulates it all for me is Last Christmas by Wham!. I remember it the first time round as a teenager, but it is a song that Laila and Ezra also really like. It feels both funny and moving to hear them singing it, but mostly I feel grateful they have good taste in music.
I want to teach my children that Christmas is not just about getting presents. Having come from a family that had very little money and also didn’t celebrate Christmas, I find my children’s obsession with consumerism exhausting. I tell them that not only did I never get any Christmas presents, I also never got any birthday presents, and I try to encourage them to feel grateful for all that they have. I tell them all this, but I am not convinced they are listening.
It is important to me that my children appreciate that they have both Muslim and Christian heritage; Bridget and I work hard to try to make Eid feel as special as Christmas. We decorate the children’s hands with henna and buy Indian sweets. Just as we visit Bridget’s family for Christmas, so we visit my family on Eid. And in the same way that we feast on Christmas lunch, we also have a massive Eid banquet. I really want my children to feel that they don’t have to choose between their Muslim and Christian heritages, and they can have the best of both.
The thing I find hard is that I am the one person in my family who was not brought up to feel excited about Christmas. I am consoled however, by seeing how excited the kids are and by the fact that I can give them more joy in their childhood than my parents were able to give to mine. And by knowing that although Christmas may sometimes be a struggle for me, it is delightful and effortless for my children.