Triumph Rocket III

“Get the one with the biggest muscles”

£5800-£14,100 140bhp 136mph 320kg (dry) 2294cc inline triple

“Dad, is it true Britain once ruled a quarter of the globe?” Yes son. “And is it true we built a passenger jet that flew at twice the speed of sound?” Yes lad. “And did Triumph build a motorbike with a 2.3 litre engine, the biggest ever?” Yes, they bloody-well did. And that’s it, right there. If you’re going to get a muscle cruiser, get the one with the biggest muscles – not a namby-pamby Italian sportsbike in a frock.

The Rocket III’S 140lb.ft of torque dwarfs the 96lb.ft of the Diavel. It’s a force that catapults the bike into a space previously occupied by your wildest dreams. It’s impossible not to laugh, feet flapping in the breeze and knuckles white as you hang onto the bars. You’ll draw a crowd, too; there’s no bigger talking point than a Rocket III. And the ladies love it.

The Rocket III was built to conquer North America, but came with a self-deprecating nod to its own absurdity. Triumph released a brilliant Youtube mockumentary alongside the bike (“When creating the most powerful motorbike known to man, the key was to use an engine not previously known to man...”) that perhaps undermined its authority with some Harley-luvvin’ rednecks, but endeared it to everyone else.

So even though the Rocket III – whatever its flavour: Touring; Classic; or Roadster – has none of the Diavel’s modernity, who cares? It’s bigger, badder, funnier and sexier.