LIFE IN MY NORTHERN TOWN

WHILE I constantly despair on the butchering of our town centre and its historical buildings, I cannot fail to feel a sense of relief that the town’s ugliest building is finally coming down.

Yes, I am referring to Telegraph House.

That brutal monstrosity of a building that has cast a shadow over the centre of town for many years.

And yet there are some people who are actually sad to see it go.

I read a comment by somebody on social media that they were sorry to see it being pulled down. Really? It is hard to believe that somebody actually paid an architect to design it; it must have taken them all of two minutes to come up with the layout.

If you gave a chimpanzee or a four-year old a set of crayons and asked them to draw a building, this is what they would come up with. A square, black box.

It had absolutely no architectural merit whatsoever.

How on earth it was allowed to be built in the middle of the town in the first place is beyond me.

It belongs on an industrial estate somewhere on the outskirts of Birmingham, just past the gas works and the sewage farm.

When I heard it was being demolished, I decided to go down and take a good long look at it to see if there was any case for keeping it.

I descended into a coma after 30 seconds and was only awoken from my stupor by the sound of Mrs Giddins passing by with her shopping trolley.

And who on earth chose the colour? Blind Pew?

It is hard to believe that someone, somewhere looked at the colour sketches of the building after it was designed and thought “Mmm, now that looks good”.

The buildings in a town are what give the place its character. In this case it is symptomatic of what has happened to the town over the last 30 years or so.

Beautiful, ornate buildings pulled down only to be replaced by dull, grey, lifeless lumps which in turn last 20 years or so before they are thankfully removed as well.

So farewell Telegraph House. There have been many things that have saddened me with their passing but this building is not one of them, and the quicker it comes down the better.

Now then, where is my sledgehammer?