Trigger Happy
A voice from the Young Guns SC We’ve all heard it... “It’s your choice, me or that damn scooter!” Faced with this decision, just remember: they only made so many two-stroke classic scooters, they are still making women...
Aman is quite often the bane of his woman’s life. Never mind us blokes who insist on spending the entire weekend holed up in the garage, only to go and cover the entire house in oily fingerprints, there is a whole other realm of not-so-rosy possibilities. I think it’s fair to say that some of us would push even the mildest mannered woman to despair...
A lot of things in life are a delicate balancing act, none more so than a relationship, and particularly when the relationship consists of three parts: a man, a woman and his scooter! I must admit, I’ve probably got an easier deal than most, as at the end of the day Lydia and I met through the scene. Unlike most of my compatriots, selling the idea of a tour around the low countries by Lambretta to the other half isn’t such a difficult prospect for me. However, I’m still not 100% sure that dropping my Lambretta off at Midas Touch in Leeds was the ideal way to spend our first weekend away together.
Some partners can show much less sympathy with those caught by the affliction that is scootering. Club-wino, Scottish Liam (known as such to help distinguish him from the sheer number of other Liams in the club) was much less fortunate in a previous relationship.
“I once got dumped for saying that I fancied going to a rally instead of pursuing mine and my then-girlfriend’s already arranged weekend plans. I just didn’t fancy staying in and watching movies. The irony is that I didn’t even go to that rally in the end, because I had my bike theory test that weekend. Dumped for nothing!”
Putting male struggles aside for a moment, it must be noted that some women are much better at putting on a painted smile than others, despite wanting to gouge their own eyes out. For example, Craig, who was stationed over in Germany at the time, had planned a romantic day out to Cologne Zoo for him and his fiancée. However, what she wasn’t aware of was the pre-planned detour to our favourite shop – Scooter Center – where he mooched around for two hours without actually making a purchase. “She said it was okay because I was doing the driving, but I still think she would rather have slit her wrists than listen to me banging on for hours about the pros and cons of expansion chamber construction and designs!”
However, it can get worse. Vespa-whizz Dan Ashman managed to plan a surprise get-away for his heavily-pregnant girlfriend that didn’t end quite so well: “I dragged my partner to a particularly romantic weekend back in 2014. She thought it was a weekend of no scooters, so we took the car, but we were actually heading to a scooter rally. She was eight months pregnant and camping at Hayling Island! As if that wasn’t bad enough, the car got stuck in the mud and we had to get help from a few kind chaps to push it out. Needless to say, I put the tent up on my own while she was very blatantly
f**ked off with me! She locked herself in the car after that, not a happy bunny that weekend!” Let’s just say, Dan’s a braver man than I!
For any scooter widows that do happen to read this, please remember that it isn’t really our fault – it’s an addiction that seriously impacts on our mental capabilities, affecting every aspect of our being and rendering us helpless. There may be a shop out there called Lambretta Rehab, but it’s not quite the kind that you might’ve been hoping for! And remember, we love you all really...
A lot of things in life are a delicate balancing act, none more so than a relationship, and particularly when the relationship consists of three parts: a man, a woman and his scooter!