The big bang

Nobody wants to be left behind and everyone likes to keep up with the other scooters on the road, so clearly the best answer is to get an expansion pipe, isn’t it?

Back in the 1980s tuning was so very tame compared to what it has evolved into today, but the advantage was... you didn't get left too far behind when out on the road. There were a few going down the ‘Stage 6’ route, but that often meant six stages of bump starting or pushing the thing home! If you could get your scooter up to the magical speed of 60mph, then you were fine. It was those who couldn’t that had the problem, getting left behind on the club ride out every weekend.

So what could be done to reach the magical figure? Simple... just bolt on a bigger exhaust and carburettor and hey presto! None of that jetting malarkey or working out where the power was, and as for a dyno… did the word even exist back then? For those who wanted the easiest power boost, simply changing the exhaust was by far the quickest route to success (of sorts).

For Rich, the bigger problem (in our eyes) was his choice of scooter – a bright purple Vespa 100. Not only was it down on power compared to the 125, but also had only three paltry gears to pull it up hill and down dale. It didn’t help that his US parka was one of the biggest ever made and blew up like a tent from Billy Smart’s circus once he was flat out, creating a massive ‘parachute effect’. There must have been at least a 5mph gain to be had, just from binning that! Not a chance though, he was firmly entrenched in the Mod philosophy even though the rest of us had moved on to flight jackets and combats by this time.

Saturday would see the pilgrimage to the local scooter shop. You could only attend by scooter and it didn’t matter whether you were buying anything you just wanted to be there. If you didn’t have money to spend that was of little importance as there were plenty of scooter related trinkets hung up on the wall behind the counter to look at. Old Bob the owner didn’t mind either if the shop was full of kids and plenty of scooters outside it made the place look busy. Rich had eyed up a bright red Pitone exhaust which was apparently ‘ideally suited to the Vespa 100’. So one Saturday a few of us made the trip to Bob’s and Rich armed with cash was ready to make his purchase. That day the shop was packed with loads of local scooterists.

We were all trying to act cool but Rich was not making that easy. We’d persuaded him to ditch the parka after all as it was the height of summer and he had chosen instead to wear a rather obnoxious looking boating blazer. Here we were trying to look cool in our khaki green army gear in front of the locals with someone dressed up like he was going to Henley Reggata. It raised a few eyebrows, to say the least.

There would have to be some stern words said to Rich about his clothing attire later but for now, we were just trying to hurry him up and get out of there. Deal done and the shiny exhaust bungee corded to his rear carrier thinly disguised as a CB Ariel mount and furry animal tail holder we set off back to his house. All that mattered now was getting it bolted on and a speed test to see what difference if any it made. Boating blazer removed just in case it got oil on it, not that it would have been a bad thing, Rich set to work while the rest of us watched patiently.

The awkward layout of the up and over small frame exhaust has never been the easiest of things to fit and he aptly demonstrated why this is so. The warm weather combined to help him sweat buckets while at the same time fray his temper enough to display his vocabulary of four-letter expletives. Eventually, his herculean efforts finally paid off as he declared it fitted. The bright red body of the expansion chamber offset the psychedelic purple paintwork a treat. Now it was down to the real business of starting the engine up and road testing the superior power the scooter now possessed.

The driveway at his parents’ house was quite impressive. It was a corner plot with enough room for several cars, or in this case spectators, eager to watch the imminent proceedings. We were all told to ‘stand by’ as if we were watching one of those Saturn V rockets launching... Rich prodded the kick-starter several times but nothing seemed to happen. Even though it had many faults one thing it did do was always start first time. Rather bemused, Rich was looking at the flywheel spinning with each kick, but no noise coming from the engine. He even tried holding the throttle wide open, but was met with complete silence... certainly from the exhaust which carried a reputation for being rather loud. Just as we all leaned over to look, it happened.

The loudest explosion you have ever heard in your life! It was earth-shattering. To make things worse the main section of the exhaust lay smoking on the floor split almost in half. It was then someone noticed something at the end of the tailpipe like a wooden cork. That explained it – the engine had been running but the exhaust gasses couldn’t escape. Finally, the pressure had become too great and ripped the seams of the exhaust apart.

Why the bung at the end of the pipe though? Well that was down to old Bob and his damp shop. Apparently it was to stop the thing going rusty. That was of little comfort to Rich… but at least he had made things go off with a big bang!

Here we were trying to look cool in our khaki green army gear in front of the locals, with someone dressed up like he was going to Henley Reggata.