The demure First Ladies — but why DID Miriam pick those see-through plastic shoes?
HOLA, hello and howdy doody to all you lovely, lovely people out there in Voteland. For the last, positively the last time in this soul-baring, kitchen-shaming, bunion-showing campaign, the wives were out in force, doing what they do best. Which is suppressing their ultra-successful power careers in business or law and pretending to be meek, subordinate wives in unthreatening clothes and hausfrau pastels instead.
All in an effort to make their hapless menfolk look like the strong, virile and pumped-up leaders they most definitely are not. Is this strategy working? Have they overdone the meek this time? Judge for yourself.
Yesterday, Miriam, Samantha and Justine held hands with their dolt-tastic husbands as they tripped to the polling booths in high heels and even higher hopes.
It was a last act of unity before the votes were counted and the country faces its future; a big moment in the life of any political wife. And you could tell that they had each thought very, very carefully about what to wear. The question is, what on earth were they thinking?
Demure buttoned-up blouses, tweedy jackets, prim knee-length skirts and smart court shoes? It was as if we had rolled back the decades to wallow in the 1950s, saluting another age of female submission and forced austerity. Or was it a sly reference to Mad Men, not an allusion to the hit HBO television series, but a homage to the mental state of their husbands after 3 days of campaigning?
Certainly, something weird was afoot, and it wasn’t just the nightmarish, yellow, seethrough, plastic shoes sported by Miriam Clegg. What in the name of jaundiced jellyfish was that all about? Miriam strode to the polling station in Sheffield like a repurposed Cinderella in her 21st century glass slippers, determined to show that she had nothing to be ashamed of down there. Cynics saw this as a dastardly attempt to
score a pedi-point off SamCam, who somehow survived the embarrassment of her own calamitous tootsies being revealed to the nation last week.
What else was going on? In her Whistles belt (£35), bare legs, tattoo revealing Office shoes (£60) and true blue shirtwaister dress, darling SamCam was very bedside manner Call The Midwife. Just one more push, darling, and this whole thing will be over for another five years.
Miriam was pure Hi-de-Hi holiday camp hostess in her revealing coalition colours; an oppressive yellow on top, a shouty blue down below. Her Zara bird print blouse (£25. ) and no-nonsense Hobbs skirt (£8 ) spoke of loyalty and devotion – I love that she dresses in club colours, like an enthusiastic mascot.
In the last election, she wouldn’t even hold hands with Nick in public, now she is barely away from his side, a walking flag of adoration.
Meanwhile, in Ed Miliband’s Doncaster constituency, Justine almost made an effort, throwing a peach Marks & Spencer tweed jacket (£5 ) over her usual uniform of nondescript ‘you won’t catch me in anything fancy’ trousers and top. Still, after 38 days of campaigning and a lifetime of tears standing next to the man to whom her plight was trothed, it was amazing to see that she could still raise a smile. You would never guess that she is a woman with a giant tombstone in her back garden and not a clue what to do with it.
Meanwhile, Samantha Cameron shimmers with tacit support and Miriam Clegg has touchingly said that she and Nick will ‘deal with losing and winning as we always do; together’.
In Glasgow, The Most Dangerous Woman In Britain went to Baillieston to register her vote and wreck everyone’s plans. She also wore a peek of meek; one of her trademark nipped-in jackets and a matching green dress sprigged with white flowers that would have done the Queen Mum proud.
At her side, Mr Sturgeon – Peter Murrell, chief executive of the SNP – beamed with pride.
He wore a boxy suit that clung to his curves and a tight belt that hoisted up his ‘breeks’ and hinted at a touch of paunch. He had on a striped tie that complimented his wife’s outfit and an expression that said; you ain’t seen nothing yet. We have all been warned.