Revealed: tape of Diana’s hoax call from ‘Stephen Hawking’
BROADCASTER Victor Lewis - Smith is to release the full extraordinary 18- minute phone conversation between himself and Princess Diana when he chatted to her pretending to be Professor Stephen Hawking.
The hoax call that he made has never been heard in its entirety, because he censored it himself and stashed it in a safe for 20 years.
In the recording from 1996, Lewis-Smith poses as celebrated astrophysicist Hawking using the same electronic voice technology as the professor.
The conversation includes banter about Prince Charles, Castro and Clinton, and Diana even uses the F-word.
When asked about ‘Wills’s’ welfare, she says: ‘Oh, he’s doing very well at Eton.’ The fake Hawking replies: ‘No. I meant Will Carling.’ Diana was alleged at the time to have had an affair with the England rugby captain.
THE hoax began when LewisSmith called the Buckingham Palace switchboard posing as Hawking’s PR man, and was connected to Diana’s private secretary Patrick Jephson. Jephson called back some days later and put Diana through.
‘I’m sure you’re very, very busy,’ says Lewis-Smith as the PR. Diana replies: ‘I’m not, no, I’m just very sorry it’s taken so long for me to return the call.’
‘It’s very kind. I know that Professor Hawking and you have corresponded over the years and I know that he’d like to speak to you briefly, not to take up too much of your time. He’s actually off on his honeymoon very shortly.’ ‘How wonderful,’ trills Diana. ‘He’s delighted,’ says the phoney PR man. ‘We have lots of ropes and pulleys and creams and pumps to arrange. But never mind . . . would you mind being put on hold for a couple of seconds and then I’ll connect you through?’
‘No,’ says Di. ‘I’m in no hurry, please don’t worry.’ After a brief pause we then hear the voice of ‘Hawking’ in the background: ‘Get the Princess on the line now or I’ll knock your teeth so far . . .’
‘Professor Hawking, good afternoon,’ says Diana.
‘Sorry, Your Royal Higgness [ sic]. I didn’t realise you were already on the line,’ says ‘Hawking’.
Unruffled, the Princess apologises for taking so long to return his call, explaining: ‘I’ve been a little bit busy.’
‘I suppose you are off to the gym now,’ says ‘Hawking’.
‘Professor Hawking, I was in the gym at seven o’clock this morning. I have had
Locked in a safe for 20 years, prank that teased Princess over fling with Carling
two meetings, I’ve got a lunch and I’ve got two meetings this afternoon, so the gym happens at the earlier part of the day. ha, ha, ha.’
‘hawking’ replies: ‘I enjoy sport too. I had a go at wheelchair synchronised swimming once but wheelchairs only float for a second. har, hee, har, hee.’ ‘ha, ha, ha,’ laughs Diana flirtatiously. Diana also tells hawking how much she enjoyed his famously abstruse bestseller A Brief history Of Time.
‘have you read my book?’ the fake prof asks her. ‘Yes!’ she simpers.
‘In that case, do you agree with the proposition that the unassailable sine qua non for a quantum physicist is that the quintessential homogeneity of his theory should not be entirely challenged by academic empiricists in absentia?’
Cue a long pause. ‘Yes, I entirely agree with that . . .,’ she says, before audibly uttering the F-word.
‘ Tell me more.’ An even l onger pause. ‘Oh dear,’ he drones. ‘Let’s try something simpler. What’s your favourite colour?’
AT The end of the tape there is the sound of a small explosion. Lewis- Smith then assumes the guise of the PR man who arranged the conversation and tells the princess apologetically that hawking has exploded.
After 20 years, Lewis- Smith feels that the time is right to make the call public and plans to release it on iTunes in June. It may have something to do with the fact that from tonight BBC Radio 4 extra is re-running his Radio 1 series, first broadcast in the Nineties and featuring his spoof interviews with other celebrities.
The Diana recording will not be aired, but Lewis-Smith will be promoting it via his new Twitter feed, @TVOFFAL.
Apparently, the series influenced a whole generation of comedians including Ali G creator Sacha Baron Cohen, who credits it as a formative influence on his own pranks.
When the BBC broadcast the original series they banned a lot of material, including the Diana tape. This time around they have cut every reference in the entire series to Jimmy Savile.