Should I have a fling with my cleaner?

QUESTION: I AM a 51-year-old man who was widowed three years ago. I recently took on a 38-year-old cleaner and she has been very flirty with me. I couldn’t help responding — I took her out to dinner and we spent a blissful weekend together. I want to have a relationship but my adult daughter says I’m an old fool and she’s using me for money. How can I convince her otherwise?

ANSWER: YOU may be a fool (although I doubt it from this letter), but you’re not an old one — 51 is still a spring chicken nowadays, and 48 tragically early to find yourself widowed.

No reasonable person would expect you to be bereft of companionship and love for the next three decades. Nor do I find the 13-year age gap startling.

So the real question is whether your daughter has any legitimate reasons to worry. Questions of ethics are always raised when an employer dates an employee. But research suggests that such unions are the most likely to end in marriage. Why? You see more of a person’s personality at work than on a date.

Having said that, might your daughter’s instincts have some basis? Has your cleaner had a relationship with any previous employers? Does she press you to lavish gifts on her? It’s up to you to assess the pros and cons; you don’t need your daughter’s permission to go out on a date.

You say you’ve had ‘a blissful weekend’, which suggests sexual chemistry. How often does anyone find that? Why not see where it leads? Above all, don’t tell your cleaner about your daughter’s fears, as that will create rifts.

Bear in mind your daughter is still in pain from her mother’s death. She’s bound to worry that you’ll start a new family and she will be displaced.

You need to broach these issues. Gently point out she can no more choose your romantic partners than you can hers.