He hates me still talking to my ex

QUESTION:

my husband and I separated two years ago when our son left home. We live apart, but remain close. I recently started a relationship, but my boyfriend hates the fact I spend time with my ex and says it’s inhibiting our sex life. Isn’t this immature and jealous? Shouldn’t he accept the fact people of our age have baggage?

ANSWER:

I’m not sure how ‘immature’ it is to feel jealous, as most of us can feel sharp pangs of the green-eyed monster, whether we’re nine or 90.

And few of us are highly evolved enough to detach ourselves from all emotional insecurities. So don’t be too brusque with your new man, unless he’s asking you to cut off all ties with your f ormer husband. What’s required here is a large dose of sensitivity. Your new partner has some justification in fearing your closeness to your ex.

After all, it must make him question his role in your life. If you’ve decided not to divorce, still spend time together and discuss most things in your lives, then you’re maintaining some kind of union.

I have often witnessed divorced couples who seem more married to one another than to their new partners. It’s harder than many people think to dissolve the intimacy of the years, shared history and deep love for your children.

If you’re entirely honest, which one of these two men do you confide in more? I’d make an educated guess that it’s the man you were once married to.

It’s true that everyone has baggage by middle-age — but that doesn’t mean you have to lug it under the duvet. Have you stopped to think how you would feel if your partner’s ex-wife was still his best friend?

You need to re-set your intimacy boundaries. Perhaps you’re not ready for another full-on relationship. You need to be honest with any new man in your life.