Your mission, Bond, is to stop moaning!

Ah, I’ve been expecting you Mr Bond. It has been three years since Skyfall and that regrettable farce in the highlands. It’s been almost nine years since you wore those ice-blue swimming trunks and walked across the beach, giving the world a masterclass in the art of covert avian trafficking.

What can I say, 007? It’s been too long. I shouldn’t love you, but I do. Only now that you are here, I wish you’d go away. Or put a sock in it, at the very least.

For actor Daniel Craig has been complaining again about playing James Bond. he says he doesn’t want to do another Bond film, but would only agree‘ for the money’. And he whines that Bond is a bit too misogynistic for modern tastes.

You’d think the chiselled wretch would be grateful, would be on his knees with thanks to have been given this lucrative, gold-plated role which will make him a bankable star for the rest of his acting life.

Instead, he’s always expressing regret that MI6’s finest is not quite fit for purpose. he seems to want to recast Bond in the image of, why, himself; a right-on metrosexual man who takes his turn at emptying the dishwasher and perhaps gets sympathy period pains, too.

Craig’s New Man Bond wants to emancipate women, not manhandle them into bed at the first opportunity in timehonoured tradition.

But given that Craig has a reputation for sleeping with other men’s women — let’s not go there — he is more like Bond than he thinks. however, he does sum up the aching, politically correct concerns of today’s luvvies, forever keen to air their pet causes and exhibit their progressive credentials at every opportunity. They think that we love them f or what they are, rather than what they do. Did Pierce Brosnan behave like this? No he did not. he just groomed his chest hair and got on with it. Did Roger Moore worry about being a dinosaur or t he feminist implications of snogging Britt ekland? No.

he just carried on with his eyebrow acting, including his famous Quizzical( right brow elevation), Troubled (left brow down ), Surprised (both brows in goose formation). And that’s the way we like things, Bond-wise. Daniel’s overwrought Bond angst is becoming boring. Can’t he just carry on being a cold and ruthless killing machine while treating the chicks like dirt? The new film opens in ten days and he admits he gets his ‘kit off ’, so at least that’s something.