Ephraim Hardcastle

AS their patron, the Princess Royal visited the Scottish rugby dressing room to console players after their controversial defeat by Australia. My source says: ‘Suddenly Anne turned from being Hyacinth Bucket to Eliza Doolittle with language to make a hoodie blush. Fortunately the referee who awarded the deciding penalty didn’t cross her path. His head would probably have been in the Gatcombe trophy room by now.’ WITH all the British teams eliminated from the Rugby World Cup, who’ll Princes William and Harry support – South Africa, Australia or New Zealand, the three remaining teams in the Commonwealth? My court source says: ‘William will have lost interest now but he will have to tread carefully. He and Harry got away with being partisan in the early stages but with three of the four semi-finalists being Commonwealth countries, and two of them in line to have William as king, neutrality will be the watchword – especially as the fourth team is Argentina, who would love to stir up a storm.’ Should Argentina win, would they be keen on accepting the trophy from the Duke of Edinburgh? NO longer leader of the Lib Dems, a new indignity for Nick Clegg. He has been dropped from a promotional poster for the Circus of Horrors in Moscow. The old-fashioned banner featured Clegg and David Cameron conjoined as Siamese twins. Says Dr Haze, founder of the Circus: ‘Although they were okay with the outrageous content of the show the promoters asked us to remove the banner with Nick Clegg on it. He is apparently persona non grata in Russia.’ HOLLYWOOD hero Bruce Willis, 60, who has been sending up presidential hopeful and combover king Donald Trump by appearing in a wig on US television, pictured, is prickly about his own well-documented hair loss. He has declared: ‘I’m a man and I will kick anybody’s ass who tries to tell me that I’m not one because my hair’s thinning.’ Calm down dear! THE letter from Church of England bishops to the Prime Minister, urging him to do more for refugees, infuriated No 10 officials, particularly the final paragraph saying: ‘This letter is written to you privately at present. The College of Bishops meets in Oxford next week and will spend some time considering our practical response. If you were able to respond to me ahead of that date it would help our discussions.’ I’m told by a source: ‘This is the kind of blackmail clause hotel guests use in their complaint letters hoping for a refund before they post a nasty review on TripAdvisor.’ THE Prince of Wales will be practising his best smile for tea with President Xi today, but he could liven up the ordeal by taking a tip from his late grandmother. State visitors always had to take tea with the Queen Mother. My source says: ‘She sometimes amused herself by bombarding unsuspecting guests with delicate sandwiches, cream horns, chocolate eclairs, scones, Gentleman’s Relish, fresh strawberries and her favourite weapon – heavily buttered, hot Scottish pancakes which were as slippery as an eel.’