JONATHAN CAINER

Hi there, Jonathan, A reader wondered whether the end of the world could have already occurred and we’re now in a parallel universe. This strikes a chord with me. Suddenly, it’s like a tap has been switched off. I used to be exceptionally lucky. Now the harder I try, the worse it gets. It’s challenging, to say the least. I want our old world back! Paul Hi there Paul, I might say you were having a ‘Saturn transit’ were it not for several other letters like this I’ve had lately. Does anyone else feel the world has shifted sideways?

ARIES Mar 21 — Apr 20 WE may not understand how a process works, but if we are assured that an expert has investigated it, we can at least relax and trust that someone, somewhere, knows how to make sense of it. Logical people have a great sense of certainty. They believe there is no such thing as a question that has no answer. So, if only enough effort is made, a solution can surely be found. Yet today, a situation seems to be defying all logic. A sensible explanation remains unlikely, but positive progress can still occur. Worried? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5601.

TAURUS Apr21 — May21 SOMEONE seems to think a problem can be kept at bay. Someone else suspects that this confidence is misplaced. Disputes and disagreements of this nature often give rise to a kind of psychological vortex. When we tread anywhere near the argument, we get sucked into it. And, even if we cling to one side or another for security, we still end up spinning ever faster, ever further. Thus, the attempt to solve a problem becomes yet another aspect of the problem! Today, you have far less to fear… than you fear! Confused? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5602.

GEMINI May 22 — June 22 WE ARE all in favour of avenging injustice when it seems as if we are getting the raw end of a deal. We become less enthusiastic about it when it seems as if the great roulette wheel of chance is spinning as we wish. I’m not suggesting you are about to benefit from some random stroke of fortune. But we could argue that much in your situation deserves to be celebrated. You have a lot to be glad of — and may soon have even more that may not be fair, but if it seems fair to you, won’t that suffice? Anxious? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5603.

CANCER June23 — July23 YOU are not always right about everything. But we ought to appreciate the way in which, even when you get things wrong, you are usually wrong for the right reasons. Apparently, there is a natural limit on how wrong you can be. Errors, with you, rarely compound themselves. It is most unusual to trace a long chain of unfortunate events back to some regrettable decision of yours. And, even if this has happened in the past, you shouldn’t be afraid of it happening now. Your instincts are good today. Uncertain? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5604.

LEO July24 — Aug23 DON’T we often wonder what mysterious skills the wealthy have developed in order to sustain their lifestyles? How can they afford what others can’t? Yet they, in turn, look enviously upon those whose hearts are clearly content, whose homes are happy, whose relationships are stable. None would deny that these are qualities no amount of money can buy. The techniques by which emotional comfort is found can seem just as elusive to the economic elite. You are rich where it counts today, or you soon will be. Worried? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5605.

VIRGO Aug24 — Sep23 IF EVERY upside has a downside and every advantage brings a potential disadvantage, why do we even think about celebrating a gain? Isn’t it sure to give rise to eventual disappointment? Would we not be wiser, at the first sign of an auspicious cosmic climate, to head for the hills and hide where the hand of fate can’t find us? Should you be suspicious today of all that seems hopeful and helpful, lest it turns in time into a challenge of a kind that you most detest? Why, of course not! Relax, stop worrying, be grateful! Confused? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5606. LIBRA Sep24 — Oct23 TRUE peace of mind comes neither from wealth or success. It is not even a byproduct of a happy love life! We may feel temporary elation when things are going our way, but our deepest needs are spiritual, not material. Only by paying attention to the question of ‘what is life really all about?’ do we ever get closer to the possibility of real inner peace. It isn’t necessary to answer that question, nor is it possible. But the perspective we attain in considering it can work wonders. As you will see today. Anxious? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5607.

SCORPIO Oct24 — Nov22 CAN you remember how you felt when you first tasted lemon juice? This is not a flavour we take instantly to heart. It triggers a sharp reaction. We can be fully forgiven for deciding that there is nothing about it to enjoy. Yet is this not an essential ingredient in many a delightful dish? Doesn’t much depend on what it is combined with and in the ratio in which it is served, compared to the other ingredients? Try to see an almost overwhelming and off-putting presence in a similar light today, it has its purpose. Uncertain? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5608.

SAGITTARIUS Nov23 — Dec21 IF THE cosmos is kindly disposed to you now, it has a funny way of showing it. Aren’t you being harassed, placed under pressure and made aware of situations that have the potential to be endlessly stressful?

Perhaps so — but what would an objective bystander make of this? Wouldn’t they feel it was like watching Houdini being tied up in chains just prior to making his big escape? Houdini didn’t believe in astrology. Or miracles. But you may soon feel you have reason to believe in both. Worried? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5609.

CAPRICORN Dec22 — Jan20 WE may not all be geographers, but our minds are full of maps. In our heads, we create connections between places, people, events and situations. We cannot help but think in terms of cause and effect. ‘I did this, then that happened.’ ‘I went here first, and I ended up there.’ We understand, in principle, that there may be other routes to those destinations, yet we find ourselves magnetically drawn to the solutions we have already tried and tested. Today, though, the unknown is highly likely to be your friend. Confused? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5610.

AQUARIUS Jan21 — Feb19 SOME people find it much easier to say ‘yes’ than ‘no’. Does this betray weakness in their character? You could just as easily argue that those for whom the word ‘no’ trips too easily off the tongue have perverse personalities. We can all draw lines when we have to. We may do this by uttering a direct refusal or by accepting so many other options that we effectively repel the thing we want to keep at bay. However you draw your line, where your life needs to change now, you can change it. Anxious? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5611.

PISCES Feb20 — Mar20 ARE YOU born of royal blood? Can we trace back your lineage to some special time in history and thus prove that you have got extrasparkly DNA that entitles you to defy the laws by which others must lead their lives? You can debate such matters at your leisure if you care to. But the whys and wherefores aren’t really so important today. We are primarily interested in the strange, yet encouraging way, in which coincidences now seem to be aiding and abetting your highest aspiration. Just be glad of this.

Uncertain? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5612.