JONATHAN CAINER

Dear Jonathan, i’m a Sagittarian. i was nervous about Saturn’s Return to this sign. it’s intimidating, for a procrastinator like me, to have the symbol of father Time in my house. i decided to welcome him and ask for help where i need it. in the past week i’ve been led to answers i’ve been seeking for years. i reckon Saturn only uses tough love if you resist the lessons. Lilee Dear Lilee, That’s a classically Sagittarian way to view the celestial situation. Keep up that attitude and you can only benefit ever more over the next couple of years! ARIES HOW we love to create

Mar 21 — Apr 20 order out of chaos. It gives us such satisfaction. It makes us feel powerful and safe. Even those who live in what may seem a chaotic state are only able to do this because they feel sure that if ever they truly needed to sort it out, they could do so swiftly enough. It must be a little like finding hunger enjoyable, given the knowledge that food is not so far away. Everything changes when we start to doubt whether a need can ever truly be met. Do you suspect a situation is hopeless now? It isn’t! Anxious? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5601. TAURUS WHICH side of an

Apr 21 — May 21 argument are you inclined to take? With whose view do you agree? To what extent are you right? And to what extent does this mean someone else must be wrong? Your current astrological outlook is enviably exceptional. You are being protected from adverse circumstances that might otherwise destabilise you. But there is still the potential to make yourself uncomfortable by identifying too closely with one extreme or another of a contentious assertion. Stay safely on the duller middle ground. Confused? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5602. GEMINI DOES the cosmos

May 22 — June 22 care about you? Aren’t you just a grain of sand on an endless beach, a star in an infinite sky, a human in the midst of seven billion others? It is easy to imagine ourselves as inconsequential. Why would the great force that lies at the essence of the entire creation even notice our existence, far less make an effort to assist it? Ah, but it is not a question of it noticing us, so much as us noticing it! When we do that, magic can happen against all odds. As you will see today. Uncertain? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5603. CANCER SOME people, it

June 23 — July 23 seems, have more guardian angels than others. But surely if there is any justice, we should all have the same number of assistants. Ah, but what if those assistants are morally obliged to assist each other? And what if some of us make such huge requests that they in turn need all the help they can get? It may seem today as if too much is going someone

else’s way. That may simply mean that it’s time to adopt a constructive course of action that raises

you to the top of an angelic priority list. Worried? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5604. LEO ‘I DON’T care too much

July 24 — Aug 23 for money, money can’t buy me love.’ So goes the old Beatles hit and those lyrics are surely as pertinent now as the day they were first penned. Now, why would anyone in their right mind ever prioritise the quest to attain and sustain a relationship based on true, deep, meaningful, mutual affection over the chance to make a fast buck? Or even a slow one? Put the needs of your heart first today, and whatever your wallet really requires will somehow magically make its way into your world. Anxious? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5605. VIRGO IF THE climate is truly

Aug 24 — Sep 23 as favourable for Virgos, as we astrologers insist, how come you aren’t levitating? Where is your winning lottery ticket? Why is your favourite fantasy film star friend not holding you in an affectionate embrace? There! You see? Things aren’t all that good, are they? So you really need not worry about how bad a situation may get if it turns sour or how disappointed you will feel if you lose an advantage. Take refuge today in what seems most ordinary. It

is probably also what is safest. Confused? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5606. LIBRA WHY ask a question

Sep 24 — Oct 23 that can’t be answered? It may not seem like a practical exercise, but not everything we do has to make total logical sense. When we remind ourselves of this by wrestling with some impossible paradox, we do ourselves great good. We put ourselves at an enormous spiritual advantage. Be glad today of what you don’t understand. Simply accepting that you don’t, can’t and may never understand it, could well help you achieve a deeper insight into some other matter entirely. Uncertain? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5607. SCORPIO WE ALL appreciate

Oct 24 — Nov 22 why orange groves are popular, but why did farmers of yesteryear cultivate lemons? Perhaps they had properties of preservation that made folk forgive their sour taste. They may have conferred health benefits, too. They stand, to this day, as testimony to the assertion that some things in life are worth persevering with, even if our initial reactions inspire us to steer a wide berth. Go beyond your first response to a seemingly undesirable development today. There is more to it than that. Worried? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5608.

SAGITTARIUS ‘BOYS

Nov 23 — Dec 21 and girls, ladies and gentlemen, roll up, roll up! Behind this door you will see a great escapologist performing amazing feats of endurance and resourcefulness. Before your eyes, you will witness the impossible. This will be worth the silver coin you are about to part with.’ I ought to come and spend my day shouting such a message outside your home. We could split the proceeds! But for you, it will be reward enough to realise a problem is easier to solve than you think. Anxious? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5609.

CAPRICORN WHY would

Dec 22 — Jan 20 any of us ever want to take a leap of faith? Why would we compromise the comfort of all that we know so well? Why would we defy the wisdom of our own intellect and make some crazy experimental move? We would not do this unless we had reached a point of exasperation. We would probably have to feel as if we had nothing left to lose. But if we ever were to take such a step, we might be reasonably confident of it bringing a rewarding discovery. Things will go well for you today. Confused? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5610. AQUARIUS WE MAY all

Jan 21 — Feb 19 have to do what we don’t want to do. But we don’t always have to do quite as much of it as we imagine. We employ various techniques to limit our participation in undesirable activities and are often so adept at this, we hardly notice what we are up to. We just arrange not to be in particular places, or we fill our schedules with so many commitments that we have a perfect reason to say ‘Sorry, I’m busy’. It doesn’t matter how you avoid what you want to avoid today, just avoid it! Uncertain? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5611.

PISCES ARE the fates

Feb 20 — Mar 20 conspiring to defeat and disappoint you? Now, why would they want to do that? Have you done something to offend them? And even in the unlikely event that you have, can’t you just apologise, smooth things over and make the relationship good again? How harsh do you imagine the cosmos to be? Perhaps it is only being unreasonable in protest at being thought of as being unreasonable! Imagine, today, that the universe wants only the best for you, and you may yet see proof that this is true. Worried? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5612.