He only wants sex when he drinks

QUESTION: My partner of nine years has always enjoyed a drink, but in recent years he’s become increasingly reliant on booze to initiate sex, and often can’t finish making love. He insists there isn’t a problem, but I feel we’re old enough (we’re in our mid-50s) to stop using alcohol as a crutch.

ANSWER: My French friends joke the British are so uptight that we’d never have sex if we didn’t have pubs. And there’s an element of truth in that. In common with other countries with dank, cold climates, we Brits tend to rely on booze to fuel our courtship rituals. But let’s be clear on the matter: if your other half can’t make love without alcohol, he definitely has a problem.

True sensuality necessitates being fully in command of your senses. And while that kind of closeness can seem daunting in the first stages of romance (hence the glug of wine for Dutch courage), it should be something to embrace as the relationship progresses.

The other problem with alcohol abuse is that it has a dampening effect on the libido. It can make it difficult for a man to maintain an erection and difficult for either gender to achieve an orgasm. This tends to become more pronounced as you get older.

You say he’s been tippling for years. Have you tended to enjoy a drink with him over that time? If so, you will have been tacitly endorsing the habit.

You need to turn your time together into an alcohol-free zone. On top of that, change the hours you make love. Few people are drunk in the morning, so why not try it then?

But be warned! None of these things will work if your other half can’t admit there’s an issue.

Give him a shock and say you’ll reconsider the relationship if he can’t change. Remind him alcohol should be a servant to pleasure — not a tyrant.