The one lesson I’ve learned from life

Sally Phillips, 46, is best known for her roles in Miranda, Smack The Pony and the Bridget Jones movies. She’s currently filming Midsomer Murders. She lives with her husband, andrew, an it specialist, and their three children, Ollie, 11, luke, eight, and Tom, four, in london.

There’s no such thing as a perfect parent

I was terrified when I found out I was pregnant with my first son, Ollie, 12 years ago. I was 34 and I just didn’t think I was up to it.

I wasn’t convinced I could balance work with having a family. But I soon learnt that the job wasn’t to be perfect and win a prize, but just to be a good enough parent.

Ollie was diagnosed with Down’s syndrome soon after birth. Once we got over the initial shock, we just got on with it. It was never going to be easy, but we never moaned about the hard times.

I remember being on the bus with him when he was six months old and overhearing two mothers complaining about their children — they were crawling and needed constant attention.

I thought at the time: ‘Gosh, you don’t sound like you’re enjoying being a parent at all.’ But there I was, having a ball with Ollie no matter what challenges we faced.

Because we didn’t know what to expect, we appreciated smaller moments and achievements such as when he first smiled and crawled — they just took longer to come.

I was adamant that Ollie was going to be independent when he grew up and experience university, a career and get married one day.

But over the years, I’ve realised chasing independence doesn’t guarantee happiness and there’s a lot to be said for having a tight social circle.

My friends have been a total lifeline for me, and while it’s initially shaming to ask for help, it isn’t a sign of failure.

Having Ollie has taught me what really matters in life and what is of value. Flexibility and a laid-back approach to parenting is key.

a few weeks ago, he left me a note just as I was going to bed, telling me there was a surprise for me in the kitchen.

I went down and saw he’d covered the entire kitchen in icing sugar. I was angry and wanted to shout, but as we were cleaning it up together, we had a really meaningful conversation about how he felt about having Down’s syndrome.

He realised what he’d done was wrong, but just thought it would be a nice, yummy surprise for me.

I couldn’t help but laugh — learning from experiences like these is what being a good parent is all about.