What French women REALLY think of US!
W e HAVe always felt threatened by our French counterparts, and with good reason. They seem so effortlessly chic.
When I first moved to France in 2000, I was so intimidated by the elegant Frenchwomen with their self-denying habits (‘elegance is refusal’, opined Coco Chanel, a woman who never had to brush eclair crumbs from her eponymous suit), that I often felt like strangling them with their perfectly tied Hermès scarves.
As I soon discovered, it is very time-consuming, not to mention costly, to look this good tout le temps.
And therein lies the difference between us: the French believe this is a price worth paying — that denying yourself life’s pleasures, undergoing painful beauty procedures, and ensuring you’re still attractive, not just to your husband but to all men, is a woman’s privilege. While we, on the whole, do not.
You might easily argue that the British attitude is best, that life is for getting out there and having fun, not for spending hours navel-gazing. And yet, although I sometimes yearn for British overindulgence and (let’s
be honest) laziness, I have learnt to admire the French woman’s age-defying dedication, and her sheer honesty. Ask a French woman what she really thinks of us Brits and she will answer quite openly, some might say brutally, as these women reveal . . .
I’m shocked at how much women in the UK drink
DaNIelle BarBereau, 58, moved to the uK in 1980 after studying english in france. She is a relationship counsellor and lives in Sheffield. She has been divorced for 20 years and has two daughters aged 22 and 31. The one thing that sets French women apart from British ones is the understanding that a good relationship — and great sex — are the secrets to true beauty.
It has nothing to do with the right shoes, perfect hair or immaculate make-up. It comes from the inside. I’ve recently fallen in love again and my friends tell me my skin and eyes are glowing. But I am not surprised.
In France we are very comfortable with love and sex. Walk around Paris and you will see couples of all ages kissing and flirting. We know it’s good for us, whereas British women — and men — still don’t celebrate it in the same way.
British women seem more prone to complaining about their relationships instead of focusing on what is good about their partner.
even within long-term relationships, French women know love is as vital to the way they look as it is to their happiness, so looking after a man is a skill we are taught by our mothers from a young age.
I don’t mean doing his washing. I mean understanding that offering him support, love and kindness means he will love you even more — and you’ll be happier as a result.
Despite the rumours that affairs are rife within French marriages, my experiences as a relationships counsellor tell me otherwise. Maybe they are tolerated in the upper echelons of French society, but it really isn’t the norm among the middle classes.
French women are hurt by infidelity just as much as British women are. I think the cliche stems from the Fifties when women were dependent on their husbands and were intent on keeping them no matter what he did.
But attitudes have changed and French women now have more confidence and selfesteem, and expect their men to woo them, too. Although we all need our own interests so as not to suffocate one another, in France women don’t really go out with their friends in large groups for drinks — we tend to socialise in couples.
And, of course, we don’t drink anything like as much as the British do. After more than 30 years in the UK I’m still shocked by the amount of alcohol British women drink when they go out and how much flesh they reveal — including women my age. There is nothing attractive about either traits.
French women are never sluttish. They look after and respect their bodies, but understand that showing them off is not alluring. I also wish British women would adopt the French attitude to grooming: it’s a necessity, not a luxury — they are worth it.
I have my nails done and my hair blow-dried once a week. It means I can throw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and still look stylish. If you are well groomed you can get away with being casual.
even dressed up, you won’t see a French woman wearing lots of make-up, or a pair of high heels she can’t walk in.
We don’t focus on our flaws the way British women do, and would never discuss them with a man — why would you want to draw his attention to your cellulite, saggy arms or other insecurities?
Although French women rarely let themselves go, neither do we see the point in pretending to be 30 when you’re 60. I find the idea of having plastic surgery baffling.
French women embrace ageing — look at how beautiful Catherine Deneuve is in her 70s. We are confident and have a more relaxed attitude to getting older, so we radiate inner beauty, which even young French men find alluring.
It’s sad that so many of my British friends report feeling invisible as they age. If only they could embrace their maturity and realise that with age should come joie de vivre and confidence — what is known in France as un certain charme.