Sardines and Rambo: what Kilroy did next
Whatever happened to robert Kilroy-Silk, former UKIP MeP and tv personality? Last week, I mentioned that I had stumbled across his short-lived career as a tweeter, which stretched from October 4, 2011 to april 25, 2012. Between those two dates, he posted 86 tweets, attracting a total of 283 followers.
he was never much good at the nuts and bolts of twitter. ‘What’s a retweet and is it the same as rt? Somebody please explain,’ he tweeted at 12.12pm on October 25, 2011.
a minute later, it was back to business as usual, with him filling us in on what he had just eaten: ‘I had a plain chicken salad for dinner, livened up by Paul Newman’s ranch Dressing (delicious).’
Judging by his tweets, Kilroy’s life at that time centred on BBC’s Question time and cooking supper. ‘Nigel’s on #bbcqt this evening,’ he tweets on October 27. ‘this could get interesting . . .’
ten minutes later: ‘IDS is going to struggle tonight! It was steak bearnaise for supper tonight: needed to build up my strength for this massacre!’
his final verdict on his former UKIP colleague, after watching the show? ‘Let’s be honest, Nigel Farage is an a***hole. But he’s a damned clever a***hole.’
It is characteristic of those who tweet that they imagine the rest of us are desperate to know what they are eating and drinking.
‘relaxing with a glass of Merlot and the Bank Job after a hard day writing,’ he tweets on November 21, 2011. ‘I like Jason Statham, he is an under-rated actor.’
‘Sardines on toast for dinner, whilst watching europe tear herself apart,’ he tweets on December 6, 2011, adding unconvincingly: ‘Doesn’t get much better.’
a week later it is ‘chicken salad and a nice Chablis for dinner’, rounded off with one of his trademark offkilter predictions: ‘Nick Clegg is a calamity of a buffoon’s nest, he’ll be eU president in four years.’
Keen to keep his 283 followers up to speed on the food and drink front, on January 30, 2012, KilroySilk boasts: ‘I have drunk a glass of milk every day since I was a toddler, my brain is in good shape.’
and the next day: ‘very little work done today. Simple dinner of pasta with tiger prawns and a cracking Chardonnay.’
One of the many oddities about robert Kilroy-Silk’s tweets is quite how limited they are, almost to the point of claustrophobia.
he writes about what he eats and drinks, what he is watching on tv (invariably Question time), how his writing is going and about the uselessness of the eU, but precious little else. he hardly ever mentions his wife or family, or even which country he is in. Judging by twitter, he has no friends, guests or even casual acquaintances.
twitter is like a stage with only one performer. Occasionally, KilroySilk’s monologue is interrupted by a noise off or a heckle, but he doesn’t let us know what it is.
‘I don’t mind a bit of horseplay,’ he tweets, mysteriously, on February 9, 2012. ‘But I don’t put up with verbal abuse. You have been blocked. and you really should know better.’
three days later: ‘another idiot blocked, I don’t put up with language like that.’
he rounds off this slap on the wrist with a cursory vIP condolence: ‘rIP Whitney houston, who was a very good singer.’
then it’s back to the food. ‘a plain cheese toasted sandwich for dinner,’ he tweets on February 29, 2012. ‘Not feeling the cooking (sic) tonight. I was too busy finishing a chapter!’
For two weeks or more, there is an unexplained break in his tweets. What prompts his return on March 18 must remain a mystery as his comeback tweet is a touch inconsequential. ‘One of the rambo films is on tv tonight. Surprisingly good, although very gory. I am recording it as may not stay up til end #rambo.’ Why would he imagine that his 283 followers would want to know that he is recording an unnamed rambo film? It is this sort of obsessive attention to the humdrum that confounds those of us who struggle to see the point of twitter.
SOMethINg obviously happens in the six weeks between March 18 and april 25, because KilroySilk stops tweeting. ‘I’m back, thanks for bearing with me,’ he tweets on his return. ‘I shall be twitting (sic) more regularly now that is out of the way.’
What was ‘that’? his tone suggests it was a big story at the time, but it has now passed into the realm of mystery.
three minutes later, he tweets his very last tweet. ‘Fabulous piece of mutton strudle (sic) for dinner, then drinks in the O-bar with some big wigs. Cab journey home was perilous! Now to bed.’
and then...nothing. this was his last-known tweet. For the past four years, there has been nothing more. Is he perhaps still in bed? he has now become that paradoxical entity, the Invisible Celebrity.
Oddly enough, the message on the top of his twitter page reads: ‘You haven’t quite seen the back of me yet.’