I burn with envy over my lover’s new job and big salary

There is much to unpick within this story, told here in less than a quarter of your original email.

readers might be interested to know that you describe your disapproval of drug-taking at very great length, leaving me in no doubt that this aspect of your boyfriend’s past really bothers you.

But what bothers me is that it’s almost as if you want him to be punished for not being ‘good’ instead of rewarded for his promotion.

I’d like you to reflect that people are allowed to change and therefore the intensity of your ‘black and white’ disapproval is a tad unloving.

You sound proud of being ‘unwavering’, so I’d like to suggest, gently, that life is rarely black and white and that perhaps you ought to listen to his explanations (given in your original letter) rather than dismiss them as ‘sob stories’.

At the moment, you feel sorry for yourself, so it might do you good to think about him instead. After all, that’s what loving somebody requires. If you can’t do it, it’s not love and you might as well move on.

What matters here is that you are eaten up with envy because your boyfriend is doing better than you are — terrified he will leave you because of it and stuck in what you see as a dead-end job.

So you are being nasty to him, almost as if you want to drive him away so that then you can be right about his character defects.

I think it’s time you start practising the maturity you boast about and have a proper conversation with this guy, laying out how you feel and why you put him down all the time. Be

honest that you are envious. Tell him the expensive holiday he wants is too much for you and suggest something fun you can both afford. Let him reassure you of his affection, instead of pushing it away.

Your lack of job satisfaction is obviously key, but let’s pause for a moment and agree that you have been doing well.

You’ve worked your way up to management and although you still regard this as letting down all your studies, the fact remains that these days many people have to take jobs below their skill-level, but that doesn’t prevent them from progressing.

You’re right to mention that sports car, because it’s a good symbol of how far you have come. Stop for a moment and congratulate yourself, instead of feeling a failure.

If you drive your boyfriend away, it won’t be because you earn less than he does and have no confidence, but because you never stop moaning. It’s not ‘insufficient training’ that’s making you feel overwhelmed, but a lack of belief in yourself and your ability to do a job which (in the next breath) you say is beneath you.

Start making lists of the tasks that defeat you and aim to complete something every day.

Buy yourself The Handbook for Exceptional People by Jez Cartwright because this encouraging little book might be the best £7.99 you’ve spent. Carry it in your pocket every day, do the exercises, underline things — and learn.

Just contemplating that positive title in a deliberate way should be an exercise in itself and remind you of your languages and other skills. Because of course you are exceptional.

But exceptional people are not set in stone at the age of 26; they open themselves to the infinite possibility of change.