The dastardly Mr Deedes

Ghanaian rogue trader Kweku Adoboli, 36, who lost UBS £1.3bn in unauthorised trades, has raised £15,000 through internet crowdsourcing to fund his battle against extradition. Online crowdsourcing is all the rage with financiers. Jailed Citigroup trader Tom Hayes has received £30,000 in donations to pay for an appeal against his imprisonment for Libor rigging. Perhaps Sir Philip Green should set up a donations page to ‘sort’ the £571m BHS pension deficit. His loyal coterie of celebrity friends could stump up the cash in no time. Financial Conduct Authority boss Andrew Bailey was known while deputy governor of the Bank of England as ‘sexy turtle’. Apparently, it’s a convoluted reference to £460,000 a-year Bailey’s speed at completing a task, which was sometimes comparable to the time turtles take to finish copulating. Nothing to do with him being Threadneedle Street’s resident stud muffin. Sadly, Andrew, 57, is no George Clooney. UK Energy, shop steward for money-grabbing energy firms, sent its spokeswoman, Scots-born Audrey Gallacher, onto Radio 4 yesterday to respond to Ofgem’s plans to introduce price caps. Nervy and hesitant, she incredulously claimed the cheapest energy price ‘wasn’t always what people wanted’. Broadcaster Mishal Husain, 43, cast off her usual demure guise and devoured the poor woman like a starved hyena. Asked about the prospect of a Donald Trump presidency, Barclays’ hulking, £8.2m-a-year all-American boss Jes Staley, 59, replies sardonically: ‘My wife and I live in London.’ Barclays are among the banks who’ve given Hillary Clinton’s foundation seven-figure donations. Pundits reckon voters may hold that against her in November. Amstrad founder Lord Sugar enjoys the usual billionaire trappings. Private jet, yacht, homes in Spain, Florida and Essex. But the former market trader remains frugal in the wardrobe department. He’s devoted to Charles Tyrwhitt, the cut-price haberdasher where four shirts cost just £100. ‘They are the best quality shirts I own,’ beams Sugarlump, 69. The company’s cordial founder Nick Wheeler tells me: ‘He’s been buying from us for years.’ Tyrwhitt prefers to parade David Cameron as its most esteemed customer.