I don’t know how I do it

Ok, I admit it: I’m a D-grade mummy

AS A child, my school reports were unpredictable. My parents recall them being a source of surprise and confusion. One year, for example, I was top of the class for physics: anyone who’s seen me work a remote control will know how peculiar that is. You could no more predict my random grades than accurately call the results of a presidential election, so imagine my horror this week when I learned that some schools now want to grade parents as well as pupils.

You get a mark from A to D, depending on how involved you are with your child’s school activities; marked down for missing a parents’ evening, marked up for being in the front row at the nativity play, etc. In Nottingham, the schools inspector, Ofsted, has praised Greasley Beauvale Primary School for a five-year-old scheme that gives parents marks based on how much they do with their child for school. It’s an idea that’s been used for a while in the U.S. apparently. And it works.

The pupils whose parents were A or B grade performed better at school than those whose mum and dad got a C or D. To get an A you have to go ‘above and beyond’ in supporting your child.

Now, if you have only one child and don’t go to work, I would assume this is easier for you than for those of us with larger families and full-time jobs.

I suspect I would have got an A for my eldest at infant school but will, undoubtedly, get a D for number four. Not because I love her less or under-value her academic success, but just because I simply can’t be in two places at once. I mean, unless you have the magical power of time-travel, I think most of us would find it hard to devote the hours required to go ‘above and beyond’.

I am not arguing with the results of this project. And when the Plymouth Herald newspaper this week asked readers in a survey if they thought local schools should adopt such a scheme, interestingly 56 per cent said yes.

Clearly, the more parents invest in school activities, the more supported their children are and the better they do. You don’t need to be a maths genius to work that out.

But perhaps there is a better way of making that happen than this shame and blame culture?

I don’t know about other parents, but occasionally some schools have made me feel as if I am doing it all wrong.

One year I asked if the timetable for sports events could be released before sports day so I could get to the one race my daughter was in without staying the whole day. No one replied to my email or calls.

I was lucky enough to be able get there after some serious juggling. She won her race and afterwards the headmistress said: ‘I bet you’re glad you are here now.’

I took this personally and felt unfairly judged as a working mum. My dad was a policeman who worked shifts, so he couldn’t attend all our school events. How would this kind of grading scheme make a parent like him feel? What about working mums who are not able to be there for coffee mornings or after-school activities?

Is giving grades the answer? Or is it about teachers simply committing to more parental contact so they are aware of the challenges each family faces?

Maybe PTAs should focus more on that than fayres and guest speakers?

Beyond parents’ evenings and occasionally a morning drop-off, we have little teacher contact. At my youngest’s infant school, there is an extremely engaged head teacher who has made it so much easier for me to be involved in school activities. Mabel loves her, too. She gets an A grade from us!

This year, our eldest, in Year 10, attended her parents’ evening, too. Unfortunately, it was the same time as my five-year-old’s parents’ evening, so Dad did her and I did the little one.

Would this have been a black mark against me for no other reason than I have more than one child and the local schools couldn’t cross check dates?

We’re all trying to do what is best for our children — but there has to be a better, less judgmental way than this.