Objection! Why I want Holyrood to get serious
OBJECTION! Relevance! It’s the interjection that is so often the turning point in a courtroom TV drama or a John Grisham-style novel set in the high-stakes (highsalaries!) world of the law.
It’s the moment the feisty lawyer emerges – like Portia in Shakespeare’s The Merchant of Venice – as the hero while the DA’s shaky case crumbles… and it just might be the saviour of Holyrood.
For our unlovely and unloved parliament is in dire need of a shakeup ahead of new powers arriving.
What is Holyrood’s greatest achievement? Probably the smoking ban – already more than a decade old and copied from the template of Ireland. So much needs to be done, but let’s start with Holyrood’s supposed showcase, First Minister’s Questions.
The original idea was that most work would be done in committee rooms but to let plebs see that their money was being spent wisely, there would be an adversarial 45 minutes in the chamber beamed live to an agog Scotland.
It’s gladiatorial, for sure. Edifying? No. It goes like this...
Ruth Davidson asks a question. The First Minister does her funny wee head shake. ‘How the Tories, with their record in Westminster, can come here…’
Kezia Dugdale asks a question. The First Minister does her funny wee head shake. ‘How Labour, with their record in Westminster, can come here…’
The monotony is broken by some pliant MSP asking if the FM agrees the Tories/Labour are despicable. She does indeed. Her MSPs clap like seals. Repeat ad infinitum.
I blame Ken Macintosh, the Presiding Officer. Why does he allow FMQs to become a weekly show of lazy political sloganeering and posturing?
This week, Green leader Patrick Harvie’s pate popped up like the beastie in the Whack-A-Mole arcade game – and should have been malleted with the PO’s gavel.
Instead, Consensus Ken let Harvie chunter that Donald Trump’s choice of Scott Pruitt as US Environmental Protection Agency head was ‘sad and dangerous.’ Utterly irrelevant – much like the Greens since they fell under Nicola’s spell and started backing separatism at any cost – but on he droned.
And it teed Nicola up for virtue signalling where she got to namedrop Hollywood ham Leo Di Caprio. Objection! Relevance! Wouldn’t it have been sweet if Consensus Ken weighed in like that?
That reply the First Minister gives – ‘Matters of importance to the people of Scotland’ – when asked what her no-mark Cabinet will be discussing should be the acid test of what gets aired.
Holyrood has no competence in international affairs; no remit on immigration or any of the 100 other issues Consensus Ken lets slide in.
Anyone uttering the words ‘Westminster’, ‘UK Government’, ‘Prime Minister’ should be brought up short – Objection! Relevance!
ASCENDING the PO’s throne (salary £106,290pa; half that as a pension in the unlikely event of being ejected), Consensus Ken promised change. He said he wanted ‘to move away from partisan or tribal issues’.
His biggest change to date was allowing MSPs to use smartphones in the chamber so they can tweet: ‘#FM confirms Tories are a shower’ and ‘#FM confirms what Labour did a decade ago still not right.’
Holyrood is about to force itself deeper into our lives and our pockets as its new powers accrue.
So let them be as tribal as they like, Ken. But ensure that it is about matters directly relevant to the people of Scotland and within Holyrood’s purview.