DOES SHE LOVE ME FOR MYSELF?
As spiteful cynics cast doubt on Meghan’s motives, how besotted Prince Harry might seek advice from our ‘agony aunt’ JAN MOIR
HelP me, please. I am crazy about my darling new girlfriend — but why do so many nasty people say she’s a fameseeking minx?
oK, Meghan is an actress and Grandpa warned me about them — but I promise you, she is different. She stars in a TV show called Suits where she plays a paralegal. Cor, talk about biffo top totty! with nicer legs than any Para I ever met, that’s for sure.
All the talk now is how Cousin eugenie might be about to walk down the aisle, but Jan, I want to get there first.
Yet, how can I be sure Meghan loves me for myself and not just because I am a prince who attracts global attention? I know it is not something that other top princes, such as Charming and of Darkness have to be bothered about, but it is not easy being me.
Jan, it was Meghan’s idea that we wore matching friendship bracelets. I wasn’t sure, but she said: ‘It’s what American girls do, Harry.’ only if they are under eight, I thought to myself. Still, it was better than the matching crowns with in-built leD lights she had made. or the ‘I’m with Her’ T-shirt she makes me wear all the time.
I thought it would be a good idea to buy her some bling — my bro wills says the ladies go mad for that sort of thing, the soppier the better. So I gave her a necklace with our initials — but for indoor use only because we are a mega-private international celebrity couple.
Yet she said rats to that and insists on wearing it everywhere! Now the world knows we two are one — there is no escape!
Another worry is the ‘secret’ messages she sends via her Instagram accounts. I mean, how secret can a dog in a Union Jack jumper be? especially when, like Meghan, you’ve got 1.3 million followers.
So I tell her: ‘Cool it, babycakes.’ But now she wants me to go to her next premiere and I say, can’t we just chill while I drink shots and watch you post inspirational messages on the internet, as usual?
She is older than me and has been married before, but she makes me laugh a lot. when I told her about Granny’s amazing golden coach, she said that in America all the male personal trainers are buffed to the max. She thinks that me being fifth in line for the throne means I am in a queue for the loo.
oh, she is adorbs, Jan — but does she love me for who I really am? How lovely to get your handwritten letter, which fully explains why you are Britain’s most illegible bachelor.
This girl, Meghan. Now look. Are you sure about this? She seems much keener than you are to keep this relationship centre stage and in the spotlight. You are a much shyer creature, unless you are playing strip poker with Pellster, Tommo, Spunky and the gang after ten pints and a scotch egg down at the Sloaney Pony.
Harry, you are now aged 32 and Meghan is three years older, but you are acting like a pair of kids. Friendship bracelets, initial necklaces, messages on Instagram?
That’s what lovesick teenagers do, before promising each other to rearrange the alphabet so that U and I are together forever. My first bit of advice to you is this — grow up. Have fun by all means — but marriage? Do you really expect Meghan to give up her career and move to the UK? or are you going to do a Duke of windsor and live in exile with her?
Since william and Kate have had their two children, you have moved further down the line of succession and farther away from royal responsibilities. As you might say yourself. Result! However, after the Queen, you are the most popular member of the Firm and you mustn’t forget that your family — and your country — need you.
So what of the future? I urge restraint. I worry about Meghan having posted that cartoon picture of two bananas cuddling, alongside the words; ‘Sleep tight xx’. Her banana-gram could only have been aimed at you, Harry, but what is the fruity miss trying to tell us?
I don’t think I want to know. She seems like a lovely girl, but don’t rush into marriage. For a start, few in your family have a good track record there. So whatever you do, please make sure the next piece of jewellery you buy her is not, repeat not, a ring.