Why you should never brush arguments with family under the carpet

WHILE Christmas is a time for fun and celebration, spending so much time with relatives can also spell bitter arguments.

And although it’s tempting to brush rows under the carpet and never mention them again, this isn’t the best way to ease stress, according to psychologists.

Going over the details of an argument in your head and remembering exactly what happened helps to keep matters in perspective, experts claim.

Psychologists at the University of Exeter found that adults who recalled an emotional incident, including exact details of how and where it happened, felt better and were more able to deal with stress in the future.

Professor Ed Watkins, of the university’s Mood Disorders Centre, said he noticed improvements in the mental health of patients who learned to go over difficult events in a constructive way rather than simply dwelling on their bad feelings. He added: ‘Christmas and the New Year can be a tricky time for many people’s mood, whether it be due to the colder and darker weather, the often common family tensions and quarrels – which sometimes lead to the reopening of old grievances – finances being tight, or the triggering of unfavourable comparisons with how we want to be this year or against “picture-perfect” ideals of a Merry Christmas. We often see this in an increase in referrals for treatment for depression in January and February. Staying with the details of what happens and keeping it in context can be one way to prevent these challenges of the festive season becoming something worse.’

The research involved a six-week trial with patients suffering from clinical depression, during which they were trained to spot warning signs for stress. They were than asked to review stressful situations they had experienced, focusing particularly on what could be seen, heard, felt, smelled and the sequence of what happened.

This reduced symptoms of depression, outperforming the usual treatments from a patient’s GP alone, the psychologists said.

Professor Watkins added: ‘We have found in the lab that when people train themselves to think about the specific sensory details, context and sequence of an emotional event, including how it unfolded, they were more emotionally resilient to an unexpected stressor than those who thought about the meaning and implications of emotional events.

‘Similar studies showed that when people with depression are encouraged to focus on how an upsetting event happened and how it unfolded it improved their ability to solve problems such as arguing with their partner, and with repeated practice, this can in fact hasten recovery out of depression itself.’