A vile man is bullying my grandma

How heartening that you’re so concerned about your grandmother and recognise something needs to be done about this potentially worrying situation. Change must certainly happen here — but on more than one front. To start with, I’m worried by your use of the word ‘rude’ (which implies crude manners and words) and the phrase ‘feebly fights him off’. If this man is being nasty it’s bad enough, but if he is making physical advances it is a serious matter.

If your grandma complains about him, then her family needs to discuss what action can be taken — many older people are easily exploited by the unscrupulous, which can lead to misery, or worse.

This cannot go on. Even if you all live far away, someone in the family needs to make the time to stay with your grandma and see what’s going on. If she truly fears she will be left alone if she fails to tolerate the attentions of a vile-sounding man, those feelings need to be addressed.

She needs help. You confess that not enough time is spent seeing her, so it’s with no intention of being judgmental that I suggest you put that right immediately. You say she has friends and has joined clubs, but doesn’t bother much with either. I’d love her to realise how much she needs to seize back control of her life and create something new in it, but I don’t believe this will happen unless she receives attention and help.

Do any of you know those friends? Surely that’s the place to begin. Someone needs to help her arrange regular outings in her life and if one of her old friends could, say, pick her up once a week, that would be a terrific start. This needs nudging along.

Vaguely suggesting a job in a charity shop is one thing, but finding a specific role for her to fill, making her feel needed, is more like it. Check with local charities.

If you feel she has not recovered from the death of her husband, you could see if the charity Cruse has a support group in her area. That way she might make new friends as well as receiving emotional understanding.

Your letter has started the ball rolling; now show your grandma how much she is loved and help her recreate her life.