AND FINALLY

True friends who won’t let you down

IT WAS a delight to receive all your good thoughts after my recent operation, so I send back a huge thank you.

When I say I think of my readers as friends I know it sounds odd — for how could it possibly be true? Nevertheless, it is. The doubters haven’t a clue how we can communicate!

But some readers occasionally feel let down by friends and neighbours. This was a response to last week’s letter from ‘Gilly’, whose three close friends of 30 years’ standing neglected her when she was ill.

When B went down with ME, ‘my five friends carried on, almost ignoring my isolation. I’d get occasional texts, but not much more. Even if one came round, it wasn’t to stay and chat, but to pop their head round the door, then dash off.

‘After I recovered I felt bitter and . . . poured out my feelings to my sympathetic daughter, who said: “You have to accept that people are lame!”

‘This simple statement made me think. I realised people do have busy lives and their best intentions can get waylaid.’

What would she say, I wonder, to S — all alone, with no other family members, caring for her mother with dementia?

‘People I thought were friends (for decades) are nowhere to be seen, despite knowing I’m looking after mother on a limited income.

‘Neighbours ignore me. Nobody’s offering to help, take me out to lunch or a chat over coffee, yet a few hours away would be most welcome.

‘I am appalled at the lack of care or support from these heartless individuals.’

J had an operation in January and, as yet, hasn’t heard a word from a friend of 50 years.

She says she’s ditched the ‘rose-coloured spectacles’, realised the woman has never been there for her in bad times and decided to focus on her loving partner and other chums, letting the ‘friend’ go.

And, in the end, when people are hurting you, that’s very good advice. Forgiveness has its limits.