The dastardly Mr Deedes

Scandal-hit Credit Suisse has hired two senior equities executives from Deutsche Bank, Neil Hosie and Patrick Kelly, to head its Asia division. Some ponder whether quitting Deutsche (on life support) for Credit Suisse (in intensive care) represents much of a step up, career-wise. Waspish US website Dealbreaker sensitively opines: ‘Like leaving your spouse for their identical twin, who has less money in the bank and an unmediated mood disorder.’ Dashing, bouffant-haired Fiat chairman John Elkann, 41, appointed heir of the Italian car firm’s legendary patriarch Gianni Agnelli, is described in a gushing profile as ‘softly spoken and babyfaced, he’s as near to superstar as you get in business’. Sounds a mild improvement on his brother, dandyish fashion impresario Lapo, 39, who once spent a week in hospital after overdosing on cocaine while in the company of a 53-year-old transvestite prostitute. Sage retail advice from Morrisons congenial chairman Andy Higginson, 59: ‘When you find something that works, go after it really hard and fast before your competitors can latch on to it. When it comes to the things that don’t work, bury them and pretend you never did them in the first place and, on that basis, you can claim a very successful career.’ What a crafty old so-and-so. Next stop, Westminster? JP Morgan’s gung-ho chief executive Jamie Dimon informs investors the bank spent roughly £8bn on tech last year to improve its digital banking products. A brave new world out there, isn’t it? Barclays boss Jes Staley recently told an acquaintance he spends 70pc of his time keeping the bank safe from cyber-crime. War Paint, a new Broadway musical about Elizabeth Arden, claims the late cosmetics queen grew close during middle age to a coterie of ‘patrician lesbians’ who included JP Morgan’s bohemian daughter Anne Morgan. Biographer Lindy Woodhead describes the twice-divorced Arden as a latent lesbian who ‘bottled up her sexual feelings, giving all her energies to work, horses, flowers, houses, social climbing and temper tantrums’.