Losing my love after 54 years left me desolate
Reading about nanette newman’s long and happy time with her husband Bryan Forbes and her life after his passing (Mail), i recognised many similarities with myself. My wife Marina, too, was a beautiful woman. We met by chance in a coffee bar in Cheam, Surrey, in 1960, when she was 17 and i was 18. it was love at first sight — a love which endured for 54 happy years until her death in 2014. Marina was like a carnival — noisy, colourful and fun. She loved dinner parties, dancing and family gatherings. We were a team who laughed and loved together. We adored each other. Like nanette, she was renowned for her cooking. The house was always buzzing. We were lucky in having four beautiful children (three girls and a boy) and ten beautiful grandchildren, the eldest of whom is 26 and married last year. We’re a very close family. Marrying Marina was the best thing that ever happened to me and losing her was the worst. Our children and i nursed her through her last few years with the awful illness, Multiple System atrophy. To see such a beautiful person wasting away was very distressing, but we were fortunate to be by her bedside at the end. i held her hand and she said softly: ‘and you, enjoy yourself.’ To which i replied: ‘How can i do that without you?’ The first months after her death were the worst. i went through a tumult of emotions and lost my enthusiasm for anything: eating, going out and seeing friends, hobbies. Our house wasn’t a home any more: it was an empty shell. Recovery was slow. My daughters were upset by my condition, but became my guardian angels, giving me the support to see me through. now, two years after Marina’s death, i’ve reached the ‘new normal’. Slowly, a new world has evolved. Memories of Marina are all around me. every photo, every piece of furniture, every room has memories, which can be both happy and sad. We loved our garden with its bulbs and plants blooming. i can sit back with a glass of wine and admire it, but still face the sudden realisation that Marina isn’t with me to enjoy it. i used to paint, like nanette, but lost my appetite for it during Marina’s illness. now it has returned and i find it relaxing and very therapeutic. it’s true, friends and relatives all want to give advice. They mean well: go on a cruise, join an art class, volunteer... But i’ve grown into a new comfort zone and i’m never alone at weekends — always being invited by one of the children for lunch or dinner. april 1 this year was my 75th birthday and i had the idea for us all, children and grandchildren, to spend the weekend at the Haven Hotel in Sandbanks, dorset, all paid for by me. There were no dissenters and a thoroughly good time was had by all.
COLIN BROWN, Tadworth, Surrey.