The fact is that 2 plus 2 equals around 27,450
ASK DIANE! Diane Abbott answers all your maths problems!
Q: Diane, please help me solve this simple problem — 2 plus 2 equals what? Sam, aged four. DIANE SAYS: Well, erm, Sam...if you’ll just let me answer the question. It all depends, um, it all depends, it all depends on whether we’re talking about 2 plus 2 over the short term or over the long term, because, as you very well know, those are two very different things.
I mean, 2 plus 2 is actually a very simple sum indeed, if by the first 2 you’re meaning 2 and by the second 2 you’re also meaning 2.
So, I mean, yes, well, um. It’s high time we as a society, as a society, as a society, woke up to the fact that two plus two equals . . . erm . . . 2 plus 2 equals roughly 27,450. SAM: That’s more than I was expecting. How did you reach that figure, Diane? DIANE SAYS: If you’ll just let me finish, Sam, I got to that figure by adding the original 2 to the subsequent 2, and, allowing for local variations and bearing in mind all the additional costs, while also anticipating a full review of the relevant matter under discussion, I have concluded that, yes, 2 plus 2 equals, um, 673. SAM: 673? But I thought you just said 27,450? DIANE: Now you’re putting words in my mouth, Sam. That’s not what I said at all. You’re quite simply not getting my point. I definitely said 20, and that’s the figure I’m sticking with. And I’ll tell you why, Sam.
Two plus two equals 20, and, quite frankly, quite frankly, quite frankly, Dan — it is Dan, isn’t it? — quite frankly, Dan, and with the greatest respect, I find any suggestion to the contrary deeply offensive and it frankly alarms me, to be honest. Q: What is 21 minus 4? Jane, aged seven. DIANE: Let me just say this, Jane. I take my maths extremely seriously. And also sums — minus sums, sums with an X in between two numbers — I take them all very seriously indeed, and that’s why I feel absolutely justified in tackling this question head on. JANE: So what is 21 minus 4? DIANE: If you’ll just let me finish, Anne. If you’ll just. Let. Me . . . Finish. Our position on this whole question of division . . . JANE: Multiplication. DIANE: That’s what I said. Our whole position on this whole question of multiplication is rooted in reality, which, as we all know, is just the tip of the iceberg.
So what I, um, would say to you is this. Is this. Um. What. I. Would. Say. Is this. So there we are. And I’m very sorry, but I really can’t make myself clearer than that. JANE: But what is 21 minus 4? DIANE: 21 minus 4 is . . . um . . . 92. JANE: 92? Are you sure it’s not 17? My calculator says 17! DIANE: You’re, um, simply not getting my point, June. Um. What I said was 21 minus 4 is 17. And that’s exactly what I said all along, frankly. And frankly, frankly, frankly, Jill, what we’ve got to ask ourselves is why the Right-wing media is so anxious to move the debate away from simple sums. Q: Do you know your 10 times table? Daphne, aged five. DIANE SAYS: It’s perfectly straightforward. The 10 times table is undergoing a systematic review within the Labour Party, so this whole question is frankly up for discussion, so just let’s wait and see what they conclude before leaping to conclusions. DAPHNE: But could you please help me with 10 times 10? What’s the answer, Diane? DIANE: Well, if we start with 10, and then another 10 comes along, well, frankly, that makes, now let me see, 20. So, yes, I believe it will end up being roughly, um, 20. DAPHNE: How do you get to that figure, Diane? DIANE: It’s, um, perfectly forstraightward. We get to that by adding 10 to 10, which, as I say, makes 30. And frankly, frankly, frankly I’ve had very long and wide-ranging discussions with the experts about this and they all agree. DAPHNE: But 10 plus 10 is 20. DIANE: Yes, but yes, but yes, but...over a four-year period, I think you’ll find it makes something closer to 30. Given the pressure of numbers. You forget that we’ve thought all this through very, very carefully. DAPHNE: But what’s 10 times 10? DIANE: No. I mean yes. By yes, I mean no. DAPHNE: So what is it? DIANE: Well, um, frankly, we’re talking about, we’re talking about . . . let’s face it, it all depends on what you mean by ‘10’. Um. Um. Um.