Clint would not make Dad’s day

‘TO you, your father should be as a god,’ Shakespeare wrote in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. All due respect to the Bard, but that’s not how the DVD industry sees dads.

What to get the deity who taught me to ride a bike, helped with homework (unless it was maths), took me and my sister to see Jaws when I was underage and let us hide in his jumper during the scary bits, and made me climb a Munro as my 16th birthday treat?

How about a deluxe Clint Eastwood box set?

‘Perfect for Father’s Day’, according to someone who clearly doesn’t watch Clint’s movies. The Man With No Name rarely plays The Man With 2.4 Kids – and when he does, the family is embittered or estranged.

You might as well champion the paternal instincts of Darth Vader. In Million Dollar Baby, Clint hasn’t spoken to his daughter in years. In Gran Torino his sons want to send him to a care home, and in The Trouble With The Curve he’s a baseball scout who hasn’t been on good terms with his daughter since he buried her mother under a tombstone reading, ‘May The Lord Grant You Extra Innings’.

The best dad you could hope for in Clintworld is his bandit in Unforgiven.

Yes he drinks, and leaves his children on a pig farm, but at least he doesn’t draw up the buggy and say, ‘hop on, kids – we’re going on a trip’, when he heads out to confront Gene Hackman’s horsewhip-happy sheriff.

In any case, Clint wouldn’t make my dad’s day; he prefers musicals. So next month, willkommen, bienvenue Dad – it’s another limited edition of Cabaret for you.