The one lesson I’ve learned from life
Nadia Sawalha
TV presenter and actress Nadia Sawalha, 52, is a regular panellist on Loose Women and won Celebrity Masterchef in 2007. She lives in London with her husband Mark Adderley, a television producer, with whom she has two daughters, Maddie, 14, and Kiki-Bee, ten. She is also stepmother to Isobel, 22.
IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT OTHERS THINK
WHEN I was in my early 40s my husband, Mark, told me two quotes that have become my life mantras. The first one he heard in a radio interview with the author Amitav Ghosh. He said: ‘Up until the age of 40 I worried intensely what others thought of me; after 40 I increasingly worry what I think of others.’
When Mark repeated it to me, it was like an epiphany and it totally shifted my thinking. I realised that the people who made me worry were usually those I liked the least.
It actually made me tearful to think I’d wasted so much time with individuals I didn’t particularly respect or admire. Since then, I’ve learnt to focus on the people I really like.
I used to have lots of acquaintances, now I have a few very good friends. They love me like family and are happy for me when I do well.
If I spend time with someone and find myself worrying whether they thought I was too loud or too talkative, I know they are not for me.
The second quote also taps into the idea of caring less what others think. It’s from the children’s author Dr Seuss: ‘Those who mind don’t matter, those who matter don’t mind.’
I teach my daughters not to obsess about what people think of them. It’s hard, but I hear them repeating the quote to their friends.
Letting go of my own need to be liked is still a work in progress. My job as a TV presenter means I have to be likeable. But whenever I find my inner critic saying, ‘They don’t like you. They think you’re rubbish, you’re not up to the job,’ I remind myself of those two quotes.
Sometimes I’ll say something on Loose Women I know the audience will hate. I would never have done that 18 years ago when I was first on the show. Now I have the courage to say what I really think, whatever people think of me.