Why I had to walk away from my family, by wife of rugby hero
RUGBY legend Scott Hastings and his wife have spoken out about her long-standing battle with severe depression.
Jenny Hastings has suffered the illness all her adult life and recently went missing for 36 hours because she felt a desperate need to hide.
The 53-year-old has also tried to commit suicide by eating nuts in an attempt to trigger her severe allergy.
Yesterday, the couple revealed that in March she ‘panicked and bolted’ and over 36 hours walked for around 25 miles from Leith to the Pentland Hills before going to a police station.
She had no phone with her and did not make contact as her husband desperately searched for her.
Mrs Hastings said: ‘Thinking about that time still gets my tummy jumping. It’s awful to think about that, but the reality is I just wanted to get away.
‘I wanted to be alone. I didn’t think anyone wanted me around any more. It’s just awful, it’s an awful illness.
‘Once you make that walk and you start there’s no turning back, and you realise, “what am I doing?”
‘The police were great, they were so supportive. Now I feel good. I’m in a good place.’
Mr Hastings, 52, and his wife, who have two grown-up children, have battled with her bouts of depression for more than 20 years.
On another occasion, Mrs Hastings tried to kill herself by eating peanuts as she has severe nut allergy and was only saved by her husband giving her an adrenaline shot.
The couple have joined forces with charity Support in Mind Scotland, which helps people with mental health problems.
They have launched a campaign to keep people active to improve their mental wellbeing. The 100 Streets Challenge encourages participants to walk, run or cycle 100 streets.
Mr Hastings, who was capped 65 times for Scotland and is a veteran of two British and Irish Lions tours, admitted he used to be ‘embarrassed’ by the illness but is determined to help end the stigma of mental health problems.
He described his wife’s disappearances as a form of self harming.
Mr Hastings said: ‘It’s clinical depression. Being an illness, it just happens.
‘I am in awe of Jenny because it’s extraordinary her capacity to talk about it, and also when she is so low it’s very difficult to encourage her to do anything.
‘She suffers lack of self respect, low self esteem, exhaustion, low energy levels but somehow she is able to turn it around and through walking, swimming, yoga and getting out of the building she is able to get over it.
‘We have had three very acute episodes over the last three years but each time you learn a little bit more.’
Mr Hastings added: ‘People have other ways of self harming, there are those that cut themselves. Jenny feels a burden on her family and me so her way is to get away. She walked to the Pentlands and spent 36 hours without contact.
‘It has happened a number of times and this time it was longer. She would be gone maybe for eight, nine, ten hours, but this one was serious because it became such a long time.
‘Previously I was embarrassed about Jenny’s illness because there was a stigma about mental health. But everyone is susceptible and it’s OK to talk about it.
‘Exercise has played a big part in Jenny’s recovery and often there are enormous benefits to be had from getting out into the fresh air.’
‘I just wanted to get away’