Does taking a nanny on holiday make you a bad mother?
Absolutely NOT, say these mums – and the cost of up to £2,000 is worth every penny!
AMANDA PARSONS is counting down the days to her villa holiday in Menorca. She can already picture peaceful afternoons paddleboarding and balmy evenings dining a deux with her husband Adrian.
It sounds like the perfect selfindulgent break for a couple who’ve yet to be tied down by the responsibility of children.
In fact, the Parsons already have two boys — Beau, seven, and fouryear-old Rafferty, so Amanda’s plans will leave most parents incredulous.
After all, once children come along, holidays are inevitably anything but the restful breaks they used to be. Hours spent reading on a sun lounger, or lingering over a glass of wine late into the night with the promise of a morning lie-in, are replaced by 6 am starts, squabbles over ice-cream and having to remain ever-alert to prevent little ones throwing themselves into the pool.
It’s hardly surprising, then, that many parents say holidays are more exhausting than the daily grind. At least then there is nursery, school and grandparents to share the load.
So, what is Amanda’s secret? While many argue that a holiday with the children is sacred family time, Amanda is among a growing number of parents who now won’t travel without a nanny.
For the past four years, the Parsons have taken a nanny away with them, to destinations that include Mauritius (at an extra cost of over £2,000), Italy and Menorca, where Amanda’s parents own a villa.
Hired through an agency, Emily — who accompanied them to Menorca last summer, then Mauritius at Christmas, and who will be joining them again this August — is now as essential to their family holidays as SPF50 and mosquito repellent.
‘It means we actually get a break as grown-ups, and proper time together as a couple, knowing that the children are entertained and safe with someone they know,’ says Amanda, 40, a company director, who lives in Surrey with Adrian, 42, who owns a carpentry business.
THEy don’t employ a nanny at home, she explains, because she feels very strongly about being a hands-on mum. ‘But the dynamic is very different on holiday and taking a nanny with us enables all four of us to have a lovely time.
‘Adrian and I both work incredibly hard and we need a break, plus the age gap and difference in personalities between our boys means they have totally different needs on holiday.
‘Beau is adventurous and enjoys kayaking, paddleboarding and water skiing with Adrian and me, whereas Rafferty’s more cautious.
‘Taking a nanny means that Adrian and I can enjoy water sports alone, together, or with Beau, while Rafferty — and often Beau, too — plays with the nanny.’
If taking a nanny on holiday sounds like the preserve of the spoiled rich and famous, Michaela Drake — who launched childcare agency My Travelling Nanny six years ago, with her mother Linda — says business is booming among middle-class families. ‘I’d been working as a holiday nanny during university breaks, and I realised what an underserviced market it was,’ she says.
‘Our typical clients are professional couples with more than one child aged six and under, and often more than one boy. A lot of them don’t have a nanny at home in the UK, but they want help on holiday when it can all get a bit fraught.
‘People work really hard these days, and they value their holiday time more than ever. Plus, what mums and dads can do with a six-yearold, such as water sports, they can’t also do with a two-yearold, so having a nanny on hand enables them to spend quality time with each child.’
Childcare options overseas are limited — usually just hotel kids’ clubs — and a lot of parents don’t like the idea of their children being looked after by strangers. As Amanda says: ‘I certainly wouldn’t be happy to leave my children with an unfamiliar babysitter in a foreign country.’
Meanwhile, villa holidays are soaring in popularity and it doesn’t cost much more to have an extra room for a nanny, as opposed to a separate room in a hotel.
‘Some families just want a nanny for evening babysitting and help around the pool, or entertaining the children on the plane or at mealtimes,’ explains Michaela.
The cost of hiring a holiday nanny for a week starts from around £450, based on them working seven hours a day and including three nights’ babysitting. On top of that there’s the accommodation, meals and flights, so costs quickly add up.
Still, Amanda and Adrian say it’s money well spent.
They always meet their holiday nanny before they go away, to ensure there’s a fit.
‘We’re a lively family, so we don’t want a wallflower,’ Amanda explains.
‘Emily, who’s a nursery teacher during term time, has been with us a few times now. She’s like one of the family and the boys adore her.’
Another bonus of having a nanny is that Amanda and Adrian get to have evening meals out on their own. They then give the nanny time off in lieu the next day.
‘She doesn’t have friends there to go out with at night, so prefers to spend time alone
on the beach for a break,’ Amanda says, keen to stress that the nanny also gets to do her own thing.
In Menorca, the Parsons stay at Amanda’s parents’ three-bedroom villa, which has an annexe where the nanny stays, so the only additional cost is £400 for flights and meals. But that rose to £2,200 last December when Emily accompanied them to Mauritius and needed her own hotel room.
‘Our children are the most precious things in the world, and there’s no way we’d leave them with a babysitter we’ve never met and know nothing about,’ Amanda continues. ‘Many parents might say, “Well, you should just do everything as a family, instead of hiring help” — but if we did that then nobody would be happy.
‘Because everyone’s needs are being met, our family time together is calmer and happier. The boys never feel that we are just leaving them with the nanny.’
Part-time teacher Anna Chen, 37, is still raving about taking her children’s Spanish nanny, 23-yearold Marta, with them for a week’s holiday in Tuscany last month. ‘We’d been to Israel on holiday at Easter without our nanny, and I was tearing my hair out with my three-year-old throwing tantrums and fighting with the six-year-old, and the baby waking up at 5am every day,’ says Anna.
She lives in North London with her husband Ofir, also 37, a property developer, and their daughters Maya, six, Ella, now four, and Lily, 19 months.
She adds: ‘Ofir and I were exhausted when we came home, so it was a no-brainer to ask Marta, who’s been with us since Christmas, to come with us to Italy. Ironically, she was worried that she would be intruding on our holiday, but I told her, “It won’t be a holiday for me at all if you don’t come!”’
Anna paid around £400 extra for Marta’s flight, a larger cottage, meals and a bigger hire car. She insisted that Marta had time to herself between nannying duties to explore or sunbathe.
The holiday was also to celebrate Anna’s brother’s wedding, and she admits that taking Marta with them transformed their trip.
‘All the wedding guests were staying in cottages in the grounds of the same guesthouse, and the night before the wedding my brother and his bride put on pizza, prosecco and a live band,’ she says.
MArTA took the children back to the cottage and put them to bed — leaving Anna and her husband to enjoy the party atmosphere. She then did the same on the wedding night, too. ‘You need someone familiar to put your baby to bed — someone who knows their usual routine,’ says Anna.
‘Having Marta with us at the pool and the beach was great, too, as we then had a one-to-one ratio of adults to children, so we could actually have fun instead of panicking about two of us having to keep an eye on all three.
‘The kids were calmer, too, because they had our attention and we weren’t as stressed.
‘At mealtimes in the local village, if Lily got fractious at the table, Marta would put her in the buggy and take her for a walk while the rest of us finished our meal.’
Marta leaves soon to take up a teaching post in Spain, so can’t accompany them to the Dordogne next month. But Anna is already hoping that her replacement — one of Marta’s friends — will holiday with them. Meanwhile, international marketing consultant Geraldine Joaquim’s daughters, Georgina, ten, and Sasha, seven, don’t remember holidays without a nanny, as they were just two years and six weeks old respectively when an au pair first came on holiday with the family. ‘My husband and I loved diving and safari holidays in Africa, and there was a sudden realisation that we wanted to carry on but that holidays were very different now that we had two small children,’ says Geraldine, 47, who lives in Sussex with Sandy, 50, a company MD, and their girls.
‘The first time we took our then au pair away with us was for a week’s scuba diving to the Scilly isles. It worked a treat. It meant Sandy and I could go off diving while the au pair took the girls to the beach. We’d meet up again in the afternoon to give the au pair a break, then we’d all get together for a barbecue in the evening.’
When their daughters were two and four years old, they took their au pair to South Africa and Mozambique and have been doing so ever since, often as a thank you to the au pair for their hard work day-today in the UK.
‘We’re no different to other hardworking parents who have found that holidays can become a stressful juggling act of trying to make sure everyone’s needs and interests are taken care of.
‘We’d never leave our girls in a holiday club or with strangers. We need to know that they are happy and with familiar people.’
If they travelled with grandparents or other family members, then the Joaquims reason that they would need to ask permission to spend time doing what they enjoy while leaving the girls for a couple of hours.
‘With a nanny or au pair, we can just make the arrangements without the guilt of imposing on someone else’s holiday.’
Of course, taking the au pair to South Africa and Mozambique comes at a price: around £2,000 extra for each trip to be precise.
But Geraldine believes it’s worth it. ‘It buys us quality time together as a couple and as a family,’ she says. ‘In fact, the girls have adored having our various au pairs on holiday with us.
‘Without exception, we’ve returned from all eight holidays with an au pair having had the happiest of times — the au pairs included — and you can’t put a price on that.’